PIE IN THE SKYRIM

A LITRPG ADVENTURE

BY URBAN TOWNES

Chapter 1

Everything was dark. Everything was hazy. Everything was spinning… then he woke up.

Mateo Hargreaves couldn't remember anything about where he was or exactly what happened before he blacked out but now he was on the floor with a splitting headache and two burly men were looking at him with a thousand yard stare.

“Hello traveler, what are you doing here all alone?” said the first man.

Mateo stood himself up and brushed the dust of his clothes which strangely looked like peasant clothes in those medieval movies.

“Hey fellas I'm Mateo!” He said “I would love to stay and chat, but I don't really know where I am. So I better be leaving!’

“Hello traveler, what are you doing here all alone?” The first man repeated.

“Umm…you already said that.” Said Mateo with concern in his voice.

“Hello traveler, what are you doing here all alone?” The man said for a third time.

This was getting old. Fast.

“Listen, I haven't got time for this. Where am I?”

The man's expression suddenly turned happy.

“I'm glad you asked, traveler!” He said “welcome to Greenhorne! A place full of magic and wonder!”

“At last you can say something else” said Mateo under his breath.

“Follow me!” said the man immediately walking into a wall.

“Pal…you’re kinda walking into the…” said Mateo pointing at the wall.

The man continued walking, blissfully unaware that he had become part of the wall with the sound of loud pattering in the background.

Mateo slowly walked away from the man whose foot was now the only thing visibly twitching from the wall. Mateo smiled weakly and proceeded to make a run for it.

Mateo tripped over a stone and fell flat on his face. He looked up and noticed a green emerald was over his head, like something from The Sims. Above the emerald was some writing, which read:

MATEO HARGREAVES:

LEVEL 1: COMMON PEASANT

SPECIAL ATTACK: LIGHT KICK

Mateo started to get it now. He was in a computer game, an RPG [1] . He definitely remembered doing something before this - for a company or something - but he didn't have a clear recollection of it.

As Mateo walked through the village of Greenhorne, looking at buildings which looked oddly like something from an old PlayStation 1 game, he heard a loud crash and saw people running for their lives.

Mateo was puzzled about what was happening, and what the hell that sound was, until he rounded a corner and began to understand why the people decided to run away.

In front of him was something that looked like a cross between a giant and a tree. Roots coiled around its muscular body like chainmail, leaves sprouted in areas where you would find hair on a human being and its glowing eyes and mouth looked like something out of a nightmare. Above its head were the words:

ANGRY TREE PERSON:

LEVEL 2

SPECIAL ATTACK: IMPALING ROOT SPIKES

“Hi there!” drawled Mateo nervously.

The Angry Tree Person bellowed a roar like Godzilla’s, sending Mateo flying and activating the world's ragdoll physics.

Mateo crashed uncomfortably through the roof of some random person's house, and at that moment he knew. That creature was a level 2, he was a level 1. His proverbial goose was cooked.

The tree man staggered over to him and raised a trunk-like foot, ready to turn him into a person pancake.

Mateo closed his eyes, and braced for impact. Suddenly something whipped past so fast it was a blur. The tree creature's amputated foot fell to land heavily beside him.

Sap sprayed from the creature as if it was blood, and the figure who saved Mateo from his flat fate revealed themselves.

The figure was a muscular man with baggy trousers, which looked like they belonged to a Viking. His chest was completely bare and stained with blood, he was completely barefoot as well. The man's most distinguishing feature, and the only other thing he was wearing, was the severed hollowed out boar’s head he was wearing as a mask. Above his head was the words:

GREGOR ERIKSON:

LEVEL 3: BARBARIAN

SPECIAL ATTACK: BOAR ASSAULT

The creature loosed a furious roar and lunged at Gregor, but the boar headed man jumped out of the way. He pulled out twin jagged swords, blood- and now sap-stained, katanas. He dove towards the tree beast, screaming a battle cry which sounded like colliding pigs squealing.

“You want some of this?! Come get some!” yelled Gregor in a thick Ukrainian accent.

Gregor landed on the creature's chest and began using his swords to rip and tear through the monster's chest, its health bar above its head rapidly decreasing with each strike.

Mateo stood there, just looking at this absolute badass slaughtering a tree monster right in front of him.

The monster now had a hole in its stomach, sap pouring out of it like a broken dam. Gregor grabbed the hole and began to wrench the tree's chest open with his bare hands.

The abomination let out one final screech as the sap gushed out and the creature toppled over, landing on another random NPC [2] ’s roof.

“Nooo!” cried the villager “I'm not insured!”

“Thanks!” called Mateo to the boar man “ I could have been dead by now.”

“You're lucky you aren't,” said Gregor “lift up your sleeve.”

Confused, Mateo lifted up his sleeve to reveal  three weird heart shaped tattoos. Gregor moved his arm to reveal he had the same markings.

“These are your lives.” Said Gregor. “Never lose them all. Lose a life when the others are still present you’ll just respawn, but lose them all and you will die. If you die in the simulation you die in real life. Understand?”

“Ok..” said Mateo “kinda clichéd but all right!”

Gregor grabbed Mateo’s wrist and began dragging him out of Greenhorne.

“Come on.” Said Gregor “We have a game to complete.”

Above Gregor’s head appeared the message:

GREGOR HAS JOINED YOUR PARTY!

Chapter 2

A smartly dressed man paced around the immersion chambers, inspecting the seven people held in the high-tech tubes connected to the walls.

“Mr. Rader, sir. I do not think this plan of yours is a good idea.” said a scientist. “I know you want to be the best video game tycoon on the planet but THIS… trapping people in an alternate reality with no way out, is not the way!”

Rader pulled his glasses down his nose and glared at the scientist.  He always loved doing that with his glasses, he liked that it helped him look menacing.

“Are you questioning my ways, Quentin?” asked Rader in the scariest tone he could muster, “This is clearly the Best Idea.”

“But, why, Mr Rader?” asked Quentin.

“Look at our previous games, FishFighter , MatchMaker , and PetsCop . What do all of them have in common?”

“They were all made by us?” suggested Quentin, “They should all be two words, but we seem to like CamelCase compound words?”

“Yes…” said Rader “but the IMPORTANT thing they have in common is that they all flopped! ‘Why’, you ask? Because they all took too damn long to update!”

“That's what coding is all about sir.” said Quentin “It only failed because you kept giving us very short deadlines.”

Rader gestured to the immersion tanks with a mad smile on his face.

“Well, we are finally going to change things with our new Alternative Reality game engine, and our newest game: AdventureInfinity !” Rader then walked up to a man in one of the tanks, a headset over his eyes, and the name “Mateo” written on his shirt.

“With our new VirtualRader  headsets and immersion tanks the players get to see, experience and most importantly FEEL the game itself! Imagine how much money we are going to make Quentin! I can practically smell it!”

“Sir, please! This isn't the way to fame and fortune!” pleaded Quentin.

“It isn't for you, Quentin.” Said Rader. “But it is for me!”

Rader headed towards his computer which was on a glowing desk. He sat down on his chair and started pressing keys rapidly.

It was time for a new feature.

Rader hit the enter button with a flourish causing electricity to go flowing through a wire and into the headsets.

Quentin looked on in horror as his boss cackled like a mad doctor, and the test subjects in the immersion tanks twitched like paper dolls as the current coursed through their bodies.

“Sir! What are you doing? You're hurting these people!" cried an appalled Quentin.

Rader looked at his long suffering worker, and replied “I am J.D Rader, owner of RaderGames, and I do not apologise for the brilliance of my art.”

Chapter 3

Deep in the forest of Grog, Mateo and Gregor were making their way through the trees chatting away.

“So let me get this straight.” said Mateo with a confused tone in his voice “the way to get out of this place is to defeat three demonic kings and reach the highest level of experience?”

“ Tak , ” said Gregor, “then after that we can finally get out of this place.”

Suddenly Mateo heard a high pitched scream.

“Greg, someone's in trouble!” cried Mateo “I'm going to get some EXP!”

Gregor and Mateo ran in the direction of the scream, and spotted a tribe of blue coloured primates. The blue monkeys had huge oversized bright red fists like they'd been inflated with a high-pressure air line. Above them, suspended from trees, was a net containing a woman. She appeared to be in her twenties, in fancy green archer's clothing with a golden coin on a necklace, but she wore the clothes as scruffily as possible . She looked like a Barbie that had been vandalized by a child.

The monkeys were punching the net with their spacehopper-like fists while the woman desperately climbed the net to avoid their strikes.

Mateo puffed out his chest and began to stride foolishly towards the red fisted monkeys.

“Hey bozo! Pick on someone of your own species!” yelled Mateo.

The monkeys turned around to face Mateo. Words appeared above their heads:

PUNCH MONKEY:

LEVEL 1

SPECIAL ATTACK: FLURRY OF BLOWS

The monkeys suddenly began to jabber with rage and bash their scarlet fists together threateningly.

“Run away while you still can!” yelled Gregor “Punch Monkeys are not to be messed with!”

“Why?” asked Mateo.

Suddenly the nearest Punch Monkey used its first fist to launch itself high into the air, charged-up its other hand, and struck Mateo on the side of the head, sending him flying into a tree.

A message appeared in front of Mateo’s eyes which said:

YOU HAVE RECEIVED A CRACKED SKULL

TAKE A HEALTH POTION IMMEDIATELY!

“Gregor!” whimpered Mateo, “I need a health potion!”

Gregor sighed, grabbed a glass bottle holding a blue liquid and threw it at Mateo’s head, where it smashed on impact.

“Thanks!” said Mateo “What are these monkey’s fists made of? Bricks?”

“Yes!” yelled Gregor “giant rounded bricks!”

Mateo got up to make a run for it, the Punch Monkeys followed him, bouncing along on their fists like macabre Tiggers.

Mateo was suddenly rugby tackled by one of the blasted things, knocking him to the floor once more.

While Mateo was on the floor getting dog-piled by brick-fisted cercopithecidae, something caught his eye. A chipped golden sword wedged in a tree trunk.

Mateo dragged himself forward ignoring the roaring pain of the monkeys’ punches. He grabbed the sword, hauled it from the tree, and raised it above his head like Arthur pulling Excalibur out of the stone.

“I have the power!” yelled Mateo like He-Man.

“He’s going to get himself killed.” sighed Gregor holding his boar’s head in his hands.

A Punch Monkey decided this was the proper moment to punch the foolish man’s face in. It stretched back its brick fist like a rubber band and released it towards Mateo's head,

It didn't realise that Mateo was now armed until he sliced off the primate’s red fist.

“How’d you like them apples?” cawed Mateo arrogantly.

The punch monkey that had had its hand sliced off deflated like a balloon, its flat corpse landing near its comrades.

“You want what he's having?” asked Mateo threateningly, pointing his new sword at the monkeys.

The monkeys all shook their heads in fear.

“Then scram, you mini Mike Tysons!” yelled Mateo.

The monkeys all scarpered to save their skin.

Gregor applauded Mateo, a surprised look on his boar’s face.

“Well done, I guess.” Gregor said, still awkwardly clapping.

Mateo took a bow like he was in a stage-play.

“What about the girl?” asked Gregor.

“Ah yeah!” said Mateo. He sawed the net open with his sword causing the scruffy girl to fall out on her face.

“I'm fine!” said the girl, her voice muffled as she was face-down on the ground.

“Glad to hear that!” replied Mateo.

A sudden growling from behind Mateo startled him.

Mateo turned and saw a giant lion, or something that looked like one, approaching slowly from behind him. The creature had a massive head with two sabre-like lower teeth that poked out of its mouth and curved upwards. The creature's fur was the colour of a classic parrot: green, blue and yellow.

Above its head were the words:

MACAWNIVORE:

LEVEL 6

SPECIAL ATTACK: CLAWS OF FURY

The Macawnivore snarled at Mateo as it pounced, pinning him to the ground with a mighty paw.

Mateo closed his eyes and waited for the death blow until…

“Snuggles! No! Bad Macawnivore!”

It was the girl! She wasn’t an NPC! Mateo could clearly see the words above her head:

MARIAH HENDERSON:

LEVEL 4: ARCHER

SPECIAL ATTACK: ARROW FRENZY

“What did I say, Snuggles? People are not food! If you're hungry, have this steak!”

Mariah tossed a raw steak in the air and the colourful carnivore caught it in its jaws.

Mateo stared between the girl and the beast of a cat, trying to comprehend what was in front of him.

“THAT is your … PET?!” said Mateo with disbelief.

“Familiar actually.” Mariah said, giving Mateo a look that expected him to know this simple fact. “He attacked me on a mission but I used this taming bone to calm him down.”

Mariah held up a bone with a smiley face engraved upon it.

“Sweet!” said Mateo “who knew something so dangerous can be so cute!”

Snuggles walked up to Mateo and proceeded to give him one giant lick covering his entire body in saliva.

“I think he likes you!” exclaimed Mariah “If he likes you, then I like you too!”

A message appeared in front of Mateo's eyes:

MARIAH AND SNUGGLES HAVE JOINED YOUR PARTY!

Gregor had been examining the golden sword in Mateo's hand.

“Hm. I haven't seen this type of sword before.”

“Maybe it's rare!” said Mateo.

“Could be.” mused Gregor with a curious tone in his voice.

“Come on you two!” said Mariah “follow me to the campsite!”

While Mariah, Gregor and Mateo were strolling towards the campsite they were unaware of the unseen presence hovering above them, silently watching and waiting for them to make progress.

For it was the presence that had given Mateo the sword, in fact it downloaded it into the headsets the heroes were wearing on their eyes. The presence wanted to keep Mateo alive so it could work up the courage…

The courage to kill him itself.

Chapter 4

Mateo and Gregor arrived at a peaceful campsite with tents in the same PS1 art style as the houses in Greenhorne. Mariah, with Snuggles at her side, led our two heroes towards a yellow tent with a multi coloured flag on its roof.

Outside the tents sat three unusual figures. The first, a woman with red hair kept in a braid, wore a long fancy white dress with two yellow stripes at the bottom.  Next a young nerdy looking man in his twenties wearing stylish robes and large round glasses making his eyes look like dinner plates. Finally, a short chubby rodent-like creature with white fur, big ears and a long tail with bushy brown fur at the end. He wore a red cape fastened with a golden brooch in the shape of the letter H.

“Hey who's this guy?” said the rodent. His accent was weird, like a mixture of French and German. Above his head was the words:

DR. JACQUES VON HÄMSTERVIEL

LEVEL 5: ARTIFICER

SPECIAL ATTACK: MEGA BEAM

Mariah walked up to the doctor with a warm smile

“Hello Dr. Hamster wheel! This is my new friend Mateo!”

The short gerbil thing started to jump up and down like an angry toddler.

"Hämsterviel!" "It is Hämsterviel!”, he yelled, "Get meinen namen  right!”

“Sorry about him.” said the nerdy man “he gets very sensitive about the pronunciation of his name.” The words above his head said:

ANATOLY BECKETT

LEVEL 3: WIZARD

SPECIAL ATTACK: GRAND DRAGON

Anatoly walked over to Mateo and shook him by the hand.

“Welcome to our dysfunctional group of heroes.” said Anatoly, “None of us are normal here.”

The red haired woman stood up revealing the words above her head:

KARIN POPPINSKI

LEVEL 7: CLERIC

SPECIAL ATTACK: REVIVE ALL

“Well at least none of us are weirder than Kenny.” said Karin.

“Is someone talking about me again?” said a voice inside the tent. His voice was a monotone but with a hint of insanity.

The tent opened up and a tall, skinny, almost skeletal man walked out.

His skin was as pale as porcelain, his eyes were bloodshot with heavy bags, his shoulder length wavy hair was a strange pale pink colour fading to white near his scalp. His clothes were loose fitting and baggy. He wore an unzipped thin knee-length dark green zipper coat with a jagged-cut tail. Underneath he wore a white t-shirt with a strange symbol on the front of it, his jeans were caked with mud and other substances on and it smelt like they hadn't been washed for days. Strangely enough his clothes were covered in feathers.

Above his head were the words:

KENNETH CHASE:

LEVEL 8: ROGUE

SPECIAL ATTACK: HIT N’ SWIPE

Kenny's pinpoint pupils darted towards Mateo. He ran over to him and inhaled the smell of Mateo's clothes.

“You have a smell I don't recognise…” said Kenny, his eyes roving like a wild animal.

“You're new… I'm Kenneth, want to see my feather collection?”

“Errr… no… thanks for the offer…” said Mateo clearly unnerved at this strange man smelling his clothes.

“See what I mean?” said Karin. “He’s been here the longest, so he's gone ever so slightly…nuts.”

“I can see why…” said Gregor gesturing to Kenny who was currently eating out of the garbage like some kind of raccoon.

“We need to be very gentle around him.” said Anatoly. “If he kills too many enemies he will um… Void out.”

“Void out?” asked Mateo.

“It's sort of a split personality thing.” said Anatoly “every once in a while, very rarely, he happens to black out as the darkness within his heart manifests into a malevolent persona - with the sole purpose of ending all life and joy in the world.”

“Riiiight. Sure…” drawled Mateo nervously.

“Luckily we manage to keep it under control!” said Anatoly, “Most of the time.”

Mateo was now starting to fear for his life.

Off in the distance, the sound of a horn vibrated around the campsite.

“No, not now.” said Gregor.

“What’s happening?” asked Mateo.

“Bandits.” replied Mariah “Bandits are happening.”

Suddenly a truck with a ram’s skull attached to the grill burst through the campsite’s gate, crushing the tents as it rolled through.

Three figures were driving the truck, all of them wearing black armour, boots and gloves, as well as white breastplates with epaulettes and spikes in the same colour. Handily, each of the men wore hats to tell them apart.  The one driving had an American football helmet, while the one in the passenger seat wore a hockey mask and the one in the back wore a biker helmet.

What made the situation even more tragic was that the men were cheering while running over the tents.

“Let's roll! Let's ride! Let's kill everything in sight!” yelled the men while cackling like maniacs.

Mateo looked in absolute outrage as he watched the men do donuts on one of the tents, still laughing and having no regard for anyone inside it.

“Hey punks!” screamed Mateo “stop that!”

The truck pulled to a stop, and the thugs clambered out, strutting over in a style reminiscent of West Side Story.

“So you think you can just ruin our fun eh old man?” asked the American football helmet man. He spoke in a faux cockney accent. “Well if you do that you're a loser!”

“Yeah loser!” chorused The hockey mask man.

“Yeah!” added biker helmet man.

“You do this for fun, don't you?” demanded Mateo aggressively. “To satisfy your boredom you decide to end the lives of innocent people! You should be ashamed of yourselves!”

“Well we ain't, old timer!’ said the American football helmet man. “To be honest, I don't like your attitude. I think we should teach him a lesson, eh boys?!”

“Yeah Foot!” yelled hockey mask and biker helmet.

“Alright. Hock, Bike. Remember our motto?” said the man called Foot, as all three got back into their van.

“Yeah!” chorused Hock and Bike.

Foot turned the key in the ignition.

“Let's roll! Let's ride! Let's kill everything in sight!” yelled the masked men as the truck lurched towards Mateo.

Mateo dived out of the way trying to avoid becoming human roadkill.

“Oi!” yelled Hock, “he’s moving! He ain't playing fair!”

“Floor it, Foot!” shouted Bike.

Foot slammed his foot on the accelerator sending the truck speeding straight towards Mateo once more.

This time, Mateo chinned the side of the grill sending him flying, the men laughing and jeering as he flew.

Mateo landed on the floor with a sickening thud.

“Protect the tents!” hollered Mateo to his team “I'll deal with the delinquents!”

Gregor and the rest ran towards the remaining tents, obeying Mateo.

Mateo stood up, pulled his back into place and charged at the oncoming truck.

Beneath his helmet, Foot’s eyes narrowed in determination. He was going to kill this man who ruined his fun.

Mateo leaped up into the air and dived at the truck’s window.

Bike turned around and stared in horror as Mateo smashed through his window.

“How did you_?” began Bike but before he could finish his sentence Mateo grabbed him by the neck, punched him repeatedly in the stomach, and threw him from the moving truck.

“Bike!” yelled Foot, pushing Hock into the driver's seat. He turned to Mateo, and pulled out an ugly knife. “I’ll kill you!”

Foot lunged towards Mateo, slashing and stabbing the air, trying to hit Mateo with each swing.

Foot looked around the truck, but Mateo was nowhere to be found.

“Where are you, Gramps?” demanded Foot.

“Behind you.” whispered Mateo in his ear.

Mateo kicked Foot in the back of the knee, and stabbed him…with Foot's own knife, before flinging the second bandit out.

Hock leapt from behind the controls, leaving the truck to rumble onwards and pulled out a hockey stick.

“I’ll make you pay!” snarled Hock, lunging towards Mateo.

“Really?” replied Mateo, drawing his sword.

Mateo and Hock's fight didn't last long, since Mateo’s sword was sharp and Hock only had a hockey stick, which was rapidly being converted into matchsticks.

“Had enough yet?” asked Mateo, grabbing Hock’s mask and stretching it back like an elastic band.

Hock knew what was going to happen.

“Stop! Please! I'm begging you!’ screamed Hock.

“Okay,” conceded Mateo and released his grip on the mask, sending it hurtling towards Hock’s face, “but this is going to hurt.”

SMACK! went the mask against Hock’s face, as he collapsed unconscious to the floor..

Mateo rushed to the controls, grabbing the wheel.

The truck swerved out of the campsite, heading towards a river.

Mateo opened the door and jumped from the moving truck.

The sudden movement of the truck startled Hock back to consciousness.  He only had time to let out a scream of horror before the truck plunged into the deep water, sinking with him still inside it.

Mateo was exhausted at how much work he had just done, suddenly a message appeared in front of his eyes:

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED:

OPEN A CAN OF WHOOPASS

YOU HAVE NOW REACHED LEVEL 2!

“Sweet!” Yelled Mateo triumphantly “level 2 baby!”

Another message appeared in front of him.

CHOOSE YOUR CLASS:

ARCHER

ARTIFICER

BARBARIAN

BARD

CLERIC

DRUID

KNIGHT

MONK

PALADIN

ROGUE

SKIRMISHER

SORCERER

WARLOCK

WIZARD

Mateo was scrolling through the list like it was TikTok, thinking which role would be right for him.

His finger stopped on the SKIRMISHER option.

Three tiny writhing balls of orange light began circling Mateo burning his peasant clothes away and replacing them with a white suit with multiple straps wrapped around his arms and only two hanging loosely on his legs, he also now wore a scarf which had dark patches on it making it look like a chessboard. He looked both elegant and rebellious.

“Interesting…” said Mateo ”Very interesting…”

He laughed but it didn't sound like a normal laugh. Instead of it being your regular “ha ha ha!” It sounded like “Nee-hee hee!”

Mateo covered his mouth as he heard his own laugh.

“Okay… this is my laugh now?” he said uncertainly.

Gregor walked up to him, inspecting his new look.

“Impressive.” said Gregor approvingly.

“Nee-hee hee! I know.” said Mateo confidently.

“New laugh?” asked Gregor, “Kind of annoying.”

“Came with the package.” replied Mateo.

“Now we need to continue our quest.” called Karin “come on you lot, let’s go!”

As the gang walked out of the campsite and off to their next location, words again appeared in front of Mateo's:

KARIN, ANATOLY, HÄMSTERVIEL AND KENNETH HAVE JOINED YOUR PARTY!

Chapter 5

It had been three months since he disappeared, three months! And her brother had still not returned home.

Izzie Hargreaves was obviously worried about her brother, ever since he clicked that advert and signed up for that company experiment he had been missing for a very long time.

Izzie wanted her brother back.  Sure he was annoying and acted like a complete chunibyo but she still cared for him. He was her brother after all.

Izzie picked up the phone and dialed up the company Mateo had gone to.

“Hello? Rader speaking!” replied Mr. Rader, the owner of the company.

“Yes, hello.” said Izzie “I would like to speak to my brother, Mateo.”

“I'm sorry miss, but Mateo is um… very busy.” said Rader very unconvincingly.

“He’s lying to me.” thought Izzie “he’s pretending, I can tell by his tone.”

“Don't lie to me Rader.” demanded Izzie sternly “Where is my brother?”

Rader hung up.

Izzie stormed out of the house and into her car.

Determined to find her brother she drove down to the Rader Games HQ.

“I'm coming Mateo,” said Izzie under her breath “I'm going to find you.”

She opened the brass door and made her way through the facility looking for Mateo.

Izzie turned around and noticed Rader walking down the corridor towards a dark room, she decided to follow him. Maybe her brother was in that room.

She was right. Mateo was in some sort of tank with a gadget over his eyes. Not only that, six other people were in the same position as him.

They looked like they were in pain, especially her brother. This was horrible.

She sprinted towards a control panel and was searching for the power button until…

“Can I help you, Isabel?”

Rader had stepped out from a cubicle behind her. He stood with his hands behind his back, a smug expression on his face.

“What is all this?!” demanded Izzie “what have you done to my brother?!”

“I've put him in another world.” replied Rader “he is in my dimension, all thanks to my technology. That's the great thing about science.”

“This isn't science!” yelled Izzie “this is sick! Bring my brother back!”

Rader chuckled and hissed coldly “I've a better idea, why don't you go to him?”

As quick as lightning, Rader whipped out a headset and pressed it to Izzie’s eyes.

Izzie clutched her head feeling the device overwhelm her senses, her vision began to blur and contort, and she fell to the floor.

“Sleep well,” said Rader, “you’ll find your brother soon enough.”

She blacked out.

Chapter 6

Mateo and his gang of weirdos had made their way out the campsite and were walking in the forest of Grog to their next location.

Mateo had a prickly feeling on the back of his neck, he felt like he was being watched.

“Guys…” he whispered to his crew “something or someone's watching us.”

“You're right,” said Gregor “We're being scouted.”

“Fellas…” said Anatoly. “I think I've found the thing watching us.”

A screech came from the trees and small familiar creatures leaped from the green canopy. It was…

“Punch monkeys!” yelled the gang.

The monkeys struck the heroes and everything went black.

Afterwards, Mateo could not immediately recall what had happened, but he woke in a colosseum to an audience of punch monkeys.

Mateo looked down and noticed a flat four sided star on the floor.

“What’s that?” Mateo asked Gregor.

“A save star.” said Gregor “this means this is going to get serious.”

“It's a fight to ze death, kid!” yelled Hämsterviel.

“A fight to the death?!” asked Mateo “What would the punch monkeys want us to fight?”

The punch monkeys started chanting the word “KING!” Over and over again.

“King?” asked Mateo.

Suddenly the colosseum’s gates swung open and in marched the most terrifying thing Mateo had ever seen.

The creature looked like an echidna, a mandrill and a silverback gorilla had had a baby. Echidna-like spines were protruding from its back, its muscles rippled like water and its eyes were a dark red.

Above the creature's head were the words:

SPINY MANDRILLA

LEVEL 16

SPECIAL ATTACK: APE RAGE

A message appeared in front of Mateo's eyes:

BOSS FIGHT INCOMING!

DO YOU WANT TO PROCEED?

“Oh hell,” said Mateo quietly, “that's a chunky boy.”

“Yep.” said Karin “a chunky boy who wants to tear you apart and play  with the pieces.”

Mateo gulped, this thing was going to be the death of him.

The Mandrilla looked at Mateo and laughed at him before setting its face into a look of pure hatred.

Mateo stepped on the save star and a message appeared in front of his eyes.

YOUR PROGRESS HAS BEEN SAVED!

GOOD LUCK! TRY NOT TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED!

 The Mandrilla hit its chest threateningly, causing Mateo to literally wet himself.

The great ape charged at Mateo, rapidly swinging its fists, Mateo slid underneath the beast’s legs, momentarily confusing it.

The creature turned around and let loose a furious roar.

Before Mateo had time to move, the Mandrilla grabbed Mateo's leg and began to repeatedly slam him onto the ground as if he was a piece of meat.

“Oh dear…” muttered Karin “guess who’s going to die tonight?”

“Him?” Hämsterviel asked.

“Correct answer.” said Karin.

The Mandrilla hit Mateo to the floor one final time and dropped him on his face.

“You okay, pal?” asked a concerned Gregor.

The only sound that came out of Mateo's mouth was incoherent mumbling.

The Mandrilla began to move towards Mateo, smoke escaping its nose like a mad bull.

“Quickly! Protect Mateo at all costs!” yelled Kenny.

Gregor and the gang rushed to Mateo's side, the Mandrilla suddenly began straining as if he had a stuck poop.

The quills on the Mandrilla’s back shot out like arrows and impaled into the floor.

“Hey! I'm the arrow gal around here!” yelled Mariah “Snuggles! Kill!”

Snuggles immediately sprang into action, landing on the ape’s chest, clawing at any part he could reach.

The Mandrilla threw the poor Macawnivore against the wall, causing Snuggles to collapse in a heap.

“Snuggles!” screamed Mariah as she rapidly began firing her arrows at the creature. “You big bully!”

The Mandrilla practically shrugged off the tiny arrows hitting its skin, and knocked Mariah into the same wall.

“Mariah! No!” yelled Mateo. Ever since he’d met Mariah he’d grown rather fond of her. He felt a hidden power running through his veins.

Mateo's arm straps untightened and rose up like snakes, as did the ones on his legs.

The straps attached to the Mandrilla's arms and legs like grappling hooks. The Mandrilla rose into the air and began to spin as the straps held it aloft.

Mateo used all of his strength to launch the Mandrilla into the crowd of punch monkeys.

The Mandrilla looked on in horror as Mateo used his straps to haul himself forward towards it.

“Die by my blade, you damn dirty ape!” hollered Mateo, as he swung his sword at the creature’s neck.

SLICE! The ape was dead.

The punch monkeys looked on in pure horror and disbelief as they saw Mateo hold up their dead leader’s head like a trophy.

“Behold!” yelled Mateo “the head of your precious king! Run away and never return or you will suffer the same fate!”

The monkeys all ran away again.

“You're evil.” said Gregor.

“Sometimes.” replied Mateo “only when I need to be.”

Suddenly everything stopped. The rest of Mateo’s team were frozen, Gregor caught in mid-blink, and a bird hung motionless overhead in flight.

In the quiet, Mateo heard slow clapping behind him.

“Well done pal,” said a voice which was similar to Mateo’s but slightly distorted. “You became a murderer, are you proud of yourself?”

Mateo turned around and saw… himself?

He looked just like him, he had his moderately long wavy black hair, his smug expression, his clothes - he had everything. But something about him looked off.

“Hey, you are looking at me weird.” said Mateo’s clone smugly “do I look… familiar?”

“I'm concussed.” said Mateo “That proves it, or maybe I'm high?”

“No sport,” said the second Mateo “you aren't. I am another version of you. And I'm here to kill you.”

Suddenly the Mateo clone’s colour palette began to shift, it went so quickly if you blinked you would miss it.

The clone’s skin was now gray and anything on its appearance that was white had turned black and vice versa.

The clone used his straps to grab Mateo and hoist him into the air, forcing Mateo to look into his hollow eyes.

Mateo could now see the words above his clone’s head:

MADTEO HARGRIEVES

LEVEL 2: SKIRMISHER

SPECIAL ATTACK: STRAP ATTACK

“You aren't me…” muttered Mateo.

“You're right, slick!” said Madteo “I’m not you, I'm better.”

“What do I want with me?” demanded Mateo.

“Nice line, sunshine.” said Madteo “what I want is to kill you, It's what The Man Upstairs wants me to do.”

“The Man Upstairs?” asked Mateo.

“Bingo!” yelled Madteo “The Man Upstairs created me, The Man Upstairs created everything, the Man Upstairs is GOD.”

“Quit being vague and tell me who  you are talking about!” yelled Mateo.

“Ah, I can't tell you that.” said Madteo “If you know about the Man Upstairs you will know about the wall. The wall that is never to be broken.”

“Just leave me alone.” said Mateo monotonously, “I have a game to complete.”

“You frustrate me.” said Madteo “but I will concede to your wishes. See you on the flip side, slick. Nee-hee hee!”

Madteo disappeared and time resumed once more.

“We all need a bit of a rest.” said Anatoly “let's head to a tavern.”

“Agreed.” replied Karin.

Chapter 7

In the Drunken Clam Tavern, Mateo was pondering about what his clone had said. “The Man Upstairs,” and “The wall that is never to be broken.” What did it all mean?

Behind the counter a plump man in a chef's uniform with dark brown hair styled in a Pompadour leaning to the left, leaped up to take Mateo’s order.

“Welcome-a to the drunken-a-clam!” said the chef, his black dots for eyes glinting with delight “What can-a I get-a for you-a?” His accent sounded like an American trying his best to do an Italian accent.

“Hey, Luigi.” said Gregor “we’ll take your special healing beer.”

“Coming right-a up!” said Luigi as he immediately disappeared underneath the counter.

“Hey Mats,” said Anatoly, “you look like you’re thinking about something. Something to tell us?”

“Who is The Man Upstairs?” asked Mateo.

“The hell are you on about?” demanded Karin.

“What is the wall that is never to be broken?” asked Mateo.

“He’s crazier than me!” exclaimed Kenny happily.

“What is real?”

asked Mateo “This world is a simulation, are WE even real? Are we just NPCs trapped in a never ending cycle orchestrated by a force we know nothing about?!”

Gregor slapped Mateo on the side of his face.

“Stop it! You're being hysterical!” shouted Gregor.

“You're right dude,” said Mateo “I kinda thought too deeply just then. But I do think something’s going on behind the scenes.”

“It is a possibility.” said Hämsterviel “especially with the third king protecting the way out.”

Everyone turned to look at the rodent.

“Now, not that I know it’s true, but rumour has it that the third king is the guardian of the legendary ‘Fourth Wall’ and we need to break it in order to escape.”

The wall that was never to be broken. So that was what it was, the fourth wall.

“So what you're saying,” said Mateo “is that if we want to get out of here we need to break the fourth wall?”

“Apparently.” replied Hämsterviel.

Luigi popped up from behind his counter holding the beer in his hands.

“Here-a you go!” said Luigi. “8 special-a healing-a Beers!”

Mateo grabbed his beer and immediately threw it down his throat.

“Woo…! That hit the spot…!” slurred Mateo “oh…boy…that's strong, isn't it…?”

Mateo threw up and returned to normal.

“That was the quickest intoxication I ever had.” Mateo remarked. “I don't even have a hangover.”

“It’s a thing that happens in this world.” said Gregor “in order to avoid your gameplay being affected the intoxication cycle is sped up. They call it a intoxi-speedrun.”

“That would really reduce the risk of alcohol poisoning.” said Mateo.

Suddenly out of the corner of his eye, Mateo saw himself staring through the tavern window.

“No…” muttered Mateo “go away!”

“Mateo, that was very rude.” scolded Karin “we are your team!”

“I was talking to him!” Yelled Mateo, pointing to the window.

“What are you talking about?” asked Kenny joyfully,“No one's there.”

Mateo turned around and saw no one at the window.

“Am I going mad?” Mateo thought “I saw him just a second ago!”

Mateo stood up, “guys I'm better, let's continue this quest!’

“Sure!” said Hämsterviel, “this way!”

As the gang left the tavern they were unaware that someone was still watching them.

“What a bunch of suckers,” thought Madteo “apparently if they can't see me I don't exist. They will be so easy to manipulate.”

Speaking of manipulation, he had heard his stupid clone’s sister had entered the world. She had been looking for him for quite some time. He could use this to his advantage. If he pretended to be Mateo, he could fool the girl and turn her into a weapon against those idiotic heroes.

A smile crept to his lips, revealing his black teeth.

This was going to be easy.

“I'm going to break you, Mateo Hargreaves. For The Man Upstairs. Nee-hee hee!”

He leaped to the rooftops and was gone.

Chapter 8

Deep in the forest of Grog a hooded figure was scouting the woods looking for something or someone. She was fixated on achieving this goal.

“Mateo…” muttered the hooded girl “I'm going to find you.”

The girl heard a growling behind her.

Turning, she saw a creature behind her.

The beast had the head of an owl, the body of a bear, the tail of a lemur, yet the nose and mouth of a feline. Orange eyes with thin black pupils peered out from the white and dark brown feathers covering its body.  The words above its head said:

BEAROWL

LEVEL 13

SPECIAL ATTACK: RIP AND TEAR

The girl began to back away slowly from the creature, raising her arm-mounted crossbow towards the creature.

“Nice bear, good bear…” whispered the girl.

The Bearowl let out a cry which sounded like a mix of a bear roaring and the screech of an owl, and leaped at the girl.

The girl fired the first bolt at the monster but this just seemed to make it angrier.

The Bearowl scratched at her, but she dodged out of the way and fired another bolt at its head.

The creature simply ate the bolt and charged at her.

The girl climbed a nearby tree and continued firing at the Bearowl. To her dismay, her pursuer also climbed its way up the tree, scratching the air to get its new prey.

The Bearowl had reached the top of the tree, it grinned at the girl, revealing its pointy teeth. It raised its claws for the death blow. The girl closed her shadowed eyes and braced for the strike.

Suddenly out of nowhere, white straps appeared from the trees and began tightening themselves around the beast’s waist and neck.

The Bearowl struggled to free itself from its restraints scratching wildly to reach its prey.

With one final cry the Bearowl was launched through the sky away from the girl and out of sight.

Her mysterious saviour emerged from the leaves.

She immediately recognised him. The black hair, the smug expression, the chunibyo flair to his movements, it was…

“Mateo!” the girl said happily “I've been looking for you!” She removed her hood revealing the words above her head:

ISABEL HARGREAVES

LEVEL 6: ARCHER/SKIRMISHER

SPECIAL ATTACK: FLURRY OF BOLTS

“Izzie!” Exclaimed Mateo “you came for me!”

Brother and sister embraced, and Izzie thought she heard Mateo giggling evilly under his breath.

“Anyway,” said Mateo, separating from the hug. “I have a bit of a problem, I have someone trying to kill me, a man with a boar’s head and his gang.”

“That sounds terrible!” exclaimed Izzie.

“Yeah!” lamented Mateo “Not only that, an evil version of me is leading them!”

“Don't worry little bro,” said Izzie “I'll kill them for you.”

“Perfect…” thought Mateo “my plan is working.”

“Well then, thank you Izzie.” said Mateo “you will be giving me a big hand here, I'll give you a reward for your actions.”

“Really?” asked Izzie.

“Of course!” Said Mateo “after all…”

Izzie thought she saw Mateo’s eyes flash from white to black briefly.

“We’re family.”

Chapter 9

Mateo and the crew were walking their way up a massive hill towards the home of the first king.

“So,” asked Mateo, “the first king to kill is Krailgar, right?”

“Correct.” said Karin “he is the lord of death, blood and fire.”

“Ok!” Said Mateo “All we need to do is go to the kingdom of blood, find him and kill him, right?”

“Yep!” said Kenny “it will be done lickety split! Let's-”

Before Kenny could finish his sentence, a bolt flew through the air towards Mariah’s head.

“Get down!” yelled Mateo.

Mariah ducked and the bolt hit a nearby tree.

“Are you okay?” asked Mateo.

“I'm fine.” she replied.

“Drat, missed.” a voice said from the darkness.

“Who's there?” asked Mateo.

The figure stepped from the darkness.

They wore a faded blue hooded cape, complete with a white-furred collar held closed with a pink shell. She also wore a brown metal chest plate, a stitched skirt, and gray winter snow boots wrapped with studded straps. On her hands she wore grey fingerless gloves with a crossbow attached to the right glove and forearm. She had the same coloured hair as Mateo, black.

“Izzie!” exclaimed Mateo “you ca-!”

Izzie grabbed Mateo by the neck and pointed her crossbow at her brother.

“Don’t you dare “Izzie” me, imposter!” yelled Izzie “You and your gang need to stay away from my brother!”

“But I am your brother!” wheezed Mateo.

“Are you sure?” said another voice in the shadows.

“You…” hissed Mateo.

“Heya, slick!” said Madteo, appearing out of the shadows “Like my new weapon?”

“What is your problem?” demanded Mateo “You can't do this to people!”

“Oh I can, and I have!” replied Madteo “You are finally going to die today. For The Man Upstairs!”

“Okay, why are there two Mateos?” asked Anatoly.

“Silence!” yelled Madteo “It is time to serve my purpose. Izzie! Get them!”

Izzie shot her bolt at Gregor, Gregor caught it and snapped it in half.

“Die!” yelled Gregor and ran towards Izzie.

Mateo grabbed Gregor by the arm, holding him back.

“Stop! That's my sister!” screamed Mateo. “If you want to attack anyone, attack him!” Mateo gestured towards Madteo.

“That is what I was doing!” yelled Gregor.

“Oh. Okay. Carry on.” conceded Mateo.

Gregor pounced on Madteo and began punching him repeatedly, Madteo’s colour palette shifting with each strike.

“See Izzie,” said Mateo “I'm not the fake, he is!”

Gregor lifted Madteo's head, his literal true colours being revealed to Izzie.

“Wha-?” spluttered Izzie.

“I can explain...” started Madteo.

Izzie fired a bolt at Madteo striking in his neck.

“You’ll rue the day you messed with Madteo Hargreives!” yelled Madteo before pulling the bolt out of his neck and grapple-strapping his way out of the action.

“I can't believe this! I'm such an idiot!” screamed Izzie, accidentally firing a bolt into Gregor’s foot in rage.

Gregor let out a perfectly cut scream.

Izzie stormed over to a nearby tree trunk and flung herself down sulkily.

Mateo walked over to Izzie and sat with her.

“Hey, sis. No need to blame yourself.” said Mateo ”That guy looks just like me, and he took advantage of that.”

“I almost killed you.” sobbed Izzie “ What kind of sister am I?”

“A sister that got tricked by a bad guy!” exclaimed Mateo “I suggest you don't do that again.”

Izzie snorted, “I forgot how annoying you are.”

“Yep! That's my job!” said Mateo “To annoy my big sis! Now bring it in!” Mateo gave his sister a crushing bear hug.

“Thanks bro.” wheezed Izzie.

“Now, how would you like to join my team?”

“Sure.” said Izzie “I’ve got nothing better to do.”

“Sweet!” called Anatoly. “Welcome to the team!”

A message appeared in front of Mateo's eyes.

IZZIE HARGREAVES HAS JOINED YOUR PARTY!

“Now,” said Mateo “let's go kick a blood king’s ass!”

“Yeah!” cheered the dysfunctional crew.

Chapter 10

Rader stared at the screen with pure hatred in his eyes. Mateo was getting better at understanding the world he’d created. This was a massive problem.

“Quentin!” hollered Rader.

His long suffering assistant dragged himself in, tired and fearful of his boss’s shenanigans.

“Yes sir?” asked Quentin, a hint of dread in his voice.

“Mateo has already reunited with his sister!” Rader complained “Now he’s making his way to the first king! I cannot let him win! I cannot let him beat ME!”

“Mr. Rader”, said Quentin “maybe we need to give Mateo a side goal.”

“Whatever do you mean, Quentin?” asked Rader, intrigue in his voice.

“What if,” said Quentin “what if… you create artefacts for Mateo to collect in order to unlock the final king?”

“Quentin,” whispered Rader “That. Is. GENIUS! It gives him so much more to do and keeps him trapped in this world forever!”

“Shall we start coming up with what the artifacts are, sir?” asked Quentin.

“Yes!” hollered Rader “start brainstorming!”

“Okay…” said Quentin, “so what if he has to destroy seven random items containing your soul and the last one is Mateo himself?”

“What? That’s the Horcruxes from Harry Potter!” yelled Rader “Next!”

“What if he has to collect 20 rings of power and destroy the main ring - one that can drive the sanest man to madness by dropping it into a volcano?”

“Are you kidding me? That’s the One Ring to rule them all from Lord of the Rings!” hollered Rader “Be original!”

“What if Mateo has to please a group of high pitched warriors by bringing them a bush?” suggested Quentin.

“That’s only one thing to collect, that wouldn’t take long enough.” said Rader “Also isn't that The Knights Who Say “Ni!” from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?”

“Okay, okay.” said Quentin “what if he has to collect different coloured heart shaped objects that used to belong to children that fell into the underworld?”

“The souls from Undertale.” snorted Rader, “haven’t you got any new ideas?”

“Well it’s all a bit of a trope, sir” replied Quentin “collect the collectable MacGuffins to access the final boss, or unlock great power - which comes with great responsibility.”

“Are you quoting SpiderMan at me?” growled Rader, “I said I wanted originality!”

“Sorry sir. What if he had to collect golden coloured jigsaw pieces?”

“Jiggies from Banjo Kazooie.” groaned Rader.

“Seven yellow spheres you can make a wish on?”

“Dragon balls from DragonBall?”

“He has to go to six taverns and buy a tankard of ale and he can get his seventh one free!”

“That’s not even a movie reference! That’s a McDonald's Loyalty card!”

“Oh, so it is sir. I just filled mine this morning, that must be what made me think of it.  What if he has to travel back in time to stop an evil robotic alien race who’s only goal is to quote unquote “EXTERMINATE!”

Rader gave Quentin a baleful glare.

“Really?” sighed Rader “Get back on task.”

“Sorry sir.” muttered Quentin “What if he has to rescue the ghosts of dead children who were murdered by a man in a purple suit and trapped in the suits of robotic anthropomorphic animals?”

“That is the animatronics from Five Nights At Freddy’s!”

“Oh! I know! I know! This is a good one! We’ll have to set up a murder mystery and Mateo has to find pieces of evidence from other locations in the game to find out who the murderer is!”

 “Cut this out or JD Rader will murder Quentin in this lab with a lead pipe!”

“Ah…. Yes, I’ve got it! Mateo has to buy a series of inns, upgrade them and charge people to stay in them?”

“I like that idea,” mused  Rader. “But how does that relate to accessing the final boss?”

“Oh, yes. That could be a problem.” realised Quentin “Could be a good idea for a board game though.”

“Yes…” hissed Rader “We can call it MONOPOLY.”

“How about Mateo has to destroy a series of boats by finding out their exact locations.”

“Ba-tt-le-SHIPPPPPPPPSSSSS!!!!!!” yelled Rader slamming his head onto his desk.

Chapter 11

Mateo and his gang arrived at the blood castle, a towering behemoth of a building with a rusted bloodied metal door. It looked like a haunted house.

“That looks scary.” said Mariah.

“Don't worry Mariah,” said Mateo, putting his arm around her waist. “I’ll look after you.”

Mariah blushed before walking inside the castle.

“Wait! Mariah!” called Mateo.

Mateo looked around and saw damp organic looking walls drenched in blood. And he could hear echoing breathing. Was this castle alive?

At the end of the hallway was a throne decorated with skulls and organs, sat on it was a hunched figure in a red cloak that covered most of his body. His face was zombie-like and rotting. His skin was hanging off his bones and its eyes were hollow sockets with tiny balls of red light as his pupils.

The lich king pointed at Mateo with a skeletal hand, a lipless smile curving on his decaying face.

“Come.” rasped the lich. “Bow at my feet.” His voice was hoarse and rough like sandpaper.

Mateo drew his sword at the skeleton king.

“Hello, Krailgar!” yelled Mateo “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Again. For the last time.”

Karin did a face palm.

Krailgar laughed, it sounded more like choking.

“You amuse me,” said Krailgar “you stand in my presence, and you have the nerve and cheek to quote The Princess Bride and Toy Story at me? Delightful. You seem like an interesting opponent to kill.”

Krailgar opened his mouth and various bugs began swarming Mateo.

When the bugs cleared a message appeared in front of Mateo's eyes:

KRAILGAR: LORD OF DEATH, BLOOD AND FIRE HAS USED HIS SPECIAL ATTACK:

DECAY.

THIS WILL CAUSE YOU TO SLOWLY START TO ROT AWAY.

EFFECTS CONTINUE UNTIL YOU DEFEAT HIM.

Mateo collapsed to the floor and saw his hand slowly turning to bone.

“What's wrong?” Krailgar asked sarcastically, “feeling weak? Don't worry, this will only finish you off quicker!”

“Tis but a flesh wound…” wheezed Mateo.

The lich king stood up from his throne towering over Mateo.

“Wait, Mateo! We are here to help!” yelled Gregor.

The blood king raised his hand and a flesh-like wall appeared in front of Mateo's gang, sealing them away from their leader.

“No. I have watched your progress,” said Krailgar “most of your fights have been with your team helping you! Let's see how well you will do without your little friends to back you up.”

“Bring it, you son of a lich.” said Mateo.

“Come, Mateo…” said Krailgar “come dance with me.”

The living skeleton moved his hands in an arch causing a ring of fire to wrap around the area.

“Your move.” croaked Krailgar.

Mateo swung his sword at the lich but he wasn't there.

“Peekaboo.” whispered Krailgar in Mateo’s ear.

Mateo’s straps began to wrap around himself.

“Suffer.” hissed Krailgar.

Mateo jerked his arm and threw it at the lich’s chest.

Krailgar laughed his choke-like laugh.

“You think you can kill me?” chuckled Krailgar. “Fool. You cannot kill something that is already dead.”

Krailgar raised his hands and fire shot from them.

Mateo rolled away from the flames, and spotted something behind the throne. It was a massive beating heart.

Mateo freed himself from his restraints and ran towards the heart.

“No!” cried Krailgar “you can't!”

Mateo stabbed the heart causing the king to collapse to the floor.

Mateo started slashing at the skeleton, its health bar decreasing rapidly.

“Enough!” yelled the rotting king.

Fire shot from his wrists, sending Mateo flying.

Krailgar pointed at Mateo mid air causing him to stop in place. Krailgar moved his finger up and down causing Mateo to hit the organic castle repeatedly.

“You are a joke to me!” hissed the undead king.

Mateo threw his sword and hit the heart. His sword flew back into his hands like a boomerang.

Mateo continued slashing the stunned zombie.

“I am not going to be humiliated by some simpleton!” yelled Krailgar. He fired his flames again.

This time Mateo jumped onto the heart and continued stabbing it multiple times.

The skeleton king screamed in pain with each strike.

Now Krailgar keeled over, he was at Mateo's feet.

“You’ve got guts…” the king rasped “usually people rage quit on my fight, but you… you're different…”

“Face it bone brain,” said Mateo “you're finished.”

The king grinned his lipless grin at Mateo.

“You are never going to get out of here,” said Krailgar “you will never escape, you will never beat The Man Upstairs, you will never be free…”

With one final stab the king was no more.

“This time stay dead!” yelled Mateo.

The flesh wall collapsed and the gang walked through.

“Are you alright?” asked Gregor.

“I killed a dead person!” exclaimed Mateo.

“One king down, two to go.” said Karin.

“First, let's take a rest.” said Anatoly.

“Agreed.” agreed Kenny agreeably.

Chapter 12

The gang were making their way back from the fight against Krailgar, and heading towards the next village.

All of them were exhausted and too tired to walk, so Snuggles had to carry all nine people on his back.

Snuggles continued walking until he heard a loud crunch under his feet.

“What was that?” asked Mateo.

Mateo jumped down and found the thing Snuggles had stepped on.

It was a crumpled skeleton, dressed in formal attire. Like a gentleman, he wore a tattered black jacket, top hat and trousers. The inside of the jacket was a yellowy orange. Around his bony neck was a blue cravat. Held tightly in his hand was a purple cane. Strangely enough the skeleton had black slicked back hair.

“No need to worry fellas,” said Mateo “he's dead.”

The skeleton grabbed Mateo's ankle and stood up. The skeleton was gigantic, the top of Mateo's head barely reached the skeleton's chest.

“Dead?” demanded the skeleton in an offended tone, “deeeead? I was sleeping, you idiotic Yankee!” He spoke with an English accent so sharp and clipped that you could carve crystal with it.

“You're alive?!” asked Mateo “and you’re British?!”

“I’m rather offended that your colourful contraption ran me over!” barked the skeleton.

Mateo was trying to read the words above the skeleton’s head, but because he was so tall he could only make out parts of the text:

BRO OGERS

EVEL 7

IGHT

TTACK:

EANIMATION

“Um… sorry about that… BroOgers…?” said Mateo uncertainty.

The skeleton looked even more outraged.

“BroOgers?” demanded the skeleton “Bro Ogers?! It's Brook! Brook Rogers!”

“Oh, right.” said Mateo.

“Now,” said Brook “apologise my good man! Apologise for running me over with your furry car!”

“Okay, it's not a car but I'm sorry for running you over.”

Brook grinned and released Mateo.

“Well then I forgive you!” Brook exclaimed “I think we got off on the wrong foot. I am Brook Rogers, a grand knight and (former) leader of the Forbidden Six! My own team abandoned me and left me to decay by the hands of Krailgar!”

“Oh, Krailgar?” Asked Mateo “Oh yeah! I just killed him!”

Brook was so impressed by this that his jaw dropped…off.

“You did what?!” is what Brook was trying to say, but it came out as “hew hid hawt?!”

Brook literally picked up his jaw off the floor and reattached it to his face.

“That's better,” said Brook “anyway, you did what?! You killed the one enemy I couldn't kill?! And you're a level 2?! How is that even possible?!”

“So, since your team abandoned you.  Do you want to join mine?” asked Mateo, changing the subject.

“Me?” asked Brook “this old bag of bones?”

“Well I mean if you don't want to-” said Mateo.

“Oh no, an offer made by a gentleman cannot be rescinded!” Said Brook rapidly, “Or as you Yankees would say, ‘No takebacksies!’’

A message appeared in front of Mateo's eyes:

BROOK HAS JOINED YOUR PARTY!

“Great,” said Karin, “we have a skeleton on our team.”

Brook hopped onto Snuggles’ back next to Karin.

“Well where are we going?” asked Brook, “I'm ready to continue my quest, what-what!”

“We need to make our way to the Land of Time,” said Anatoly. “We need to beat the second king.”

“Well then, let's sally forth to this Land of Time!” said Brook. “Full ahead! Away we go!”

“This guy is annoying.” muttered Gregor.

Chapter 13

Mateo and his gang were making their way to the Land of Time, trying to maintain their sanity with Brook jabbering in their ears.

“And I said,‘you can't leave me to die, I'm your captain!’” waffled Brook. “But he said,  ‘Not anymore! Besides, I think Forbidden Five has a nice ring to it!’ The cheek of it all!”

 “Brook.” Said Anatoly “we heard your story…ten times.”

“Oh.” said Brook disappointedly. “Um… who wants a cup of tea?”

“Sure thing, I'll have one!” said Mateo.

While the gang were having their tea break Anatoly started to speak to Mateo.

“Since we are heading towards the next location,” said Anatoly, “I need to tell you about the king you will soon face.”

“Go on.” said Mateo.

“Well,” said Anatoly, “once there was a king, a king named Godwin Tropy. He was a good king who was kind to his subjects. However, his son: Nefarious, was jealous of his father's power. He wanted it for himself. So one night, he killed his father and imprisoned his eldest sister, the next in line to the throne.”

“Yikes.” muttered Mateo.

“Nefarious became the Time King, a tyrant to his people. He wanted to kill people - not because their time was up, no. He did it for fun.

He is a wicked man, King Nefarious Tropy. Or as his subjects called him… King N. Tropy.”

“N.Tropy.” said Mateo under his breath “N.Tropy… Entropy.”

Mateo turned towards Anatoly.

“That's really stupid.”

“I know.” said Anatoly.

“Hold up, chaps!” yelled Brook “there’s a metal fellow in the road!”

Snuggles stopped in his tracks, a small, tin, clock-like robot walked towards our heroes - a look of hatred in its eyes.

“Tick.” said the robot in a tinny high pitched voice.

“What IS that?” asked Mateo.

Above the robot’s head were the words:

SECOND

LEVEL 5

SPECIAL ATTACK: TRANSFORMING TEAMWORK

“That is a Second.” said Karin “back away slowly. It will harm you.”

“What, this little guy?” asked Mateo “look at him, he's so small!”

“Mateo, I'm serious.” said Karin “Seconds are experts on teamwork.”

“Look,” said Mateo, “this isn't going to harm me. Check it out!”

Mateo hopped down from Snuggles and kicked the small robot.

“Now look at what you’ve done!” yelled Karin “when one Second goes down, the others get involved!”

“Others?” asked Mateo.

Out of the bushes, an entire army of Seconds began marching towards Mateo.

“Tick! Tick! Tick!” yelled the Seconds.

“Um…” drawled Mateo nervously “I'm sorry I kicked your friend?”

The Seconds held out their arms and clock hands began firing at Mateo rapidly.

“Oh dear,” said Brook “I appeared to have spotted a threat! Good day!” Brook was about to run off until Gregor grabbed his skeletal arm.

“Help us beat these things.” Gregor said coldly.

“All right old boy,” said Brook, “no need to get aggressive.”

The team jumped from Snuggles and joined Mateo in his fight.

“Tick! Tick! Tick! Tick!” yelled the Seconds, running towards Mateo.

Mateo punched, kicked and slashed at the tiny soldiers sending them to the floor.

The Seconds got up and began to jump onto each other’s shoulders with a click.

“What are they doing?” asked Mateo.

“They are coalescing, Mateo.” said Mariah. “They are forming a Minute.”

The Seconds had formed a towering metal monster with glowing red eyes and a mouth like the inside of a furnace.

Above the monster’s head were the words:

MINUTE

LEVEL 10

SPECIAL ATTACK: TRANSFORMING TEAMWORK

“ TICK.” said the Minute, A much deeper voice than its previous form.

“Oh boy…” muttered Mateo.

“ TICK!!!” r oared the Minute.

The Minute slammed its fists to the floor causing large spiked clock hands to thrust up from the dirt.

“What do I do?” screamed Mateo.

“Fight!” yelled Gregor.

Mateo jumped onto the tip of the clock hands and launched himself at the gargantuan Minute.

“Eat this!” yelled Mateo, the straps around his arms and legs grappling around the Minute as he slammed into it, knocking it apart.

The Seconds fell to the floor and ran off.

“Tick! Tick! Tick! Tick!” screamed the Seconds.

“Yeah! You better run!” panted Mateo.

“Well, well, well.” said a voice behind Mateo. “Look what the tide washed in.”

Mateo turned around and saw a clockwork man smiling smugly at him.

His royal red garments were partly obscured by a machine on his golden-brown chest-plate. The machine's pistons pumped constantly producing a cloud of smog which wreathed him. He held a large silver tuning fork in one hand like a trident or staff. His tall helmet was also topped with a small fork.

Strangely, his black mustache was short, thick and bushy on one side, while the other was long, thin and wispy.

“So you're Mateo Hargreaves,” said the steampunk king “I had a feeling you’d find me…in time .”

“You must be king N. Tropy.” said Mateo “your name is stupid.”

“Muh- huh huh!” laughed Tropy “you already amuse me. Anyway I hear you want to kill me. I'd like to watch you try.”

N.Tropy stabbed his Tuning fork into the ground. Electricity sparked around him, turning his eyes completely white. He began to flicker in and out of existence, and then was gone.

“He’s escaping!” screamed Hämsterviel “quickly after him!”

“Oh goody!” exclaimed Brook “off again I see?”

“Yep,” said Mateo “this time we are chasing a Time Lord.”

Chapter 14

After their encounter with King N. Tropy, the heroes arrived in the Land of Time.

“Here it is,” said Anatoly. “The Clock Tower.”

In front of our heroes stood a massive colourful building with huge blue pillars at its sides. At the top was a yellow clock face with a happy expression.

“Looks like something out of a kid's show.” commented Mateo.

“Don't be fooled.” said Karin. “That face is a security camera.”

“Eh?” asked Mateo.

“This entire castle is a weapon itself, if you are not a Second or a Minute then you are its enemy.” said Anatoly.

The clock's eyes shifted to Mateo, its friendly expression grew dark, the blue pillars ripped out from the sides revealing long, thick arms.

The tower used its newly revealed arms to rip itself from the ground, its blue, rocky legs rippling with electricity.

“ FLESH FOLK…” said the Clock Tower, “ YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALTZ INTO ME AND DEFEAT MY MASTER?! YOUR KIND MAKES ME SICK.”  Its voice sounded mechanically gravely, like a Darlek being put through a grindstone.

“Hey, building bud!” said Mateo “I kinda have to kill Tropy to continue my quest. So can you please let us in?”

“ AND LET YOU KILL MY KING?” yelled the Clock Tower “ YOU PEOPLE ARE MORE STUPID THAN I THOUGHT, FEEL THE WRATH OF EARTHWAKE, YOU INCOMPETENT SKINWALKERS!”

Earthwake raised a sparking foot, casting a shadow at Mateo's feet.

“Move!” yelled Mariah.

Mateo rolled out of the way as the sentient building slammed its gargantuan foot down, sending electricity pulsing through the dirt.

“ DIE, HUMAN SCUM! ” cried Earthwake. “ PAY THE PRICE FOR EXISTING IN MY PRESENCE! ”

“Why do you hate humans?” yelled Mateo to Earthwake.

“ BECAUSE CLOCK PEOPLE ARE SUPERIOR! ” Earthwake screamed back.

“Ok, Messenger.” said Mateo.

“ WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?! ” hollered Earthwake.

Earthwake raised its fists and hammered the ground, causing a shockwave that sent our heroes flying.

“I don't think reasoning with it is going to work, old boy!” yelled Brook.

“ MY BRAIN IS FULL OF RAGE!!!!!” s creamed Earthwake, slamming its fists again.

Mateo looked at Earthwake and saw a door at its centre.

“Guys! Throw me to the door!” said Mateo.

“Sure thing Mateo!” giggled Kenny.

The team grabbed Mateo and threw him up. He used his straps to grapple onto the door’s handle.

“ GET OFF ME, YOU SIMPLETON! ” screamed Earthwake, swatting at Mateo with a giant hand.

Mateo hoisted himself further up Earthwake, climbing up him like King Kong.

“ YOU WILL NEVER BEAT ME!” s creamed the building “ I WILL KILL YOU, THEN I’LL BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE ONLY TO KILL YOU AGAIN!”

Mateo wasn't listening to Earthwake’s ludicrous rant, he focused on scaling the living building. He kept climbing and dodging Earthwake's strikes until he reached the clock face.

“ I AM LOSING MY PATIENCE! ” screamed the building “ LET ME KILL YOU! ”

“Let's count the numbers on your face.” said Mateo, unsheathing his sword.

“One.” said Mateo. Stab!

“Two.” said Mateo. Stab!

“ QUIT IT!” y elled the clock tower.

“Three.” counted Mateo. Stab!

“Four.” Stab!

Cracks were beginning to appear on Earthwake’s face.

“Five.” Stab!

“Six.” Stab!

“ NO MORE! ” cried the building.

“Seven.” said Mateo, stab!

“Eight.” Stab!

“ I WILL END YOU IF YOU DON'T STOP! ” screamed Earthwake.

“Nine.” said Mateo, stab!

“Ten.” Stab!

“ I'M BEGGING YOU! ” yelled the clock tower.

“Eleven.” said Mateo, stab!

“ IS THIS IT?” Asked Earthwake. “ IS THIS THE END? ”

“Twelve!” yelled Mateo.

With one final stab the clock’s face shattered, Earthwake’s legs collapsed causing it to fall back into place.

“Mateo,” said Gregor. “You're even more badass than me!”

“Thanks!” said Mateo, “Now, let's kill Tropy!”

Chapter 15

Rader was beginning to lose his patience, his assistant couldn’t come up with anything original. To calm his nerves, Rader drank an entire glass of scotch.

“Maybe we can get Mateo to conquer different continents.” suggested Quentin.

“That’s a board game called Risk.” slurred Rader.

“Ok, here’s something, we’ll get him to collect contracts, and give him the ability to shoot out of his fingertips?”

“You’ve just described Soul Contracts from Cuphead…”

“Oh. Ok, I’ve got something else, we’ll get him to fetch ingredients to grant anyone immortality?”

“That’s the Wondertart…also from Cuphead. And we don’t want him TO BE IMMORTAL!”

“Oh yes, that wouldn’t be good would it? Ok, so there’s a tavern keeper, and the devil’s stolen his ales. Matteo got to fetch them back?”

“That’s from Antonblast. Are you stupid?”

“No, it’s ok, I’ve got something fresh here.  How about collecting sacred coins from five legendary captains?”

“Have you watched Pirates of the Caribbean? Because that’s the plot of the third movie.”

“Oh, that’s from a movie? Sorry.  I’ve got a new one here. He has to collect a cursed idol that can melt people’s faces?”

“That’s still from a movie imbecile. That’s Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Arc.”

“Ok, so he’s got to explore an ancient ruin and stop an evil corporation?"

“Tomb Raider?”

“Sorry, sorry. Let’s stick him in a labyrinth of demons, and he’ll have to fight his way through?”

“That’s either Doom, or Thesesus and the Minotaur. Not sure which one you’re thinking of.”

“Never heard of Theseus, sorry.  What if we make him recover the stolen sun, moon and stars to save the kingdom?”

“Or he could just do that in the original game: Child of light.”

“Oh, I’ve got a good one! What about he has to travel in a time traveling car to get his parents to kiss in the eighties?”

“Oh, we’re back to movies again?”

“Right, right. So we’ll get Mateo to prove himself by doing three trials: fight someone, steal something and look for treasure?”

“That’s The Secret of Monkey Island.”

“I’ve got a really great idea! We’ll make it so that he’s got to explore this old spooky house, and he’ll have to fetch a load of items like a wrench, a lightbulb, some string - and he’ll have to work out where to use each one to progress! There'll be loads of puzzles!”

“...Maniac Mansion, then?”

“Fetch 10 rats, and then…”
“10 rats? That’s not hard! We’re trying to slow him down!” growled Rader.
“Hang on, I haven't finished! We can keep looping the quest, and just reskin the item each time: 10 rats, 10 boars, 10 elves, 10 bandits, 10…”
“And that's just lazy.”

“Oh! Oh! There’s those floating chickens on the farm at the back of the Forest of Grog, the ones that we can’t get to detect the ground properly! We could get him to go and catch them all and stake them down!”
“So now he’s fixing our bugs for us? Are we Bethesda?” sighed Rader.

“What about-”

Before Quentin could finish his sentence Rader put his finger to his assistant's lips.

“No Quentin…enough of your recycled inanities. I have a truly original idea.”

“Okay…” said Quentin, looking at his boss with fear.

“HE WILL HAVE TO COLLECT THREE JEWELS THAT CONTAIN ABSOLUTE POWER! HEART, STRENGTH AND WIT! THESE MIGHTY JEWELS WILL BE PROTECTED BY HIS WORST ENEMIES!” screamed Rader.

“But, isn’t that just from-” began Quentin.

“SILENCE!”

Chapter 16

The gang opened Earthwake's door and stepped inside a hallway. The only people in the room were Mateo and his crew.

“Where's Tropy?” asked Izzie.

“He’s waiting for us somewhere,” said Brook “we just need to find him.”

“Looking for someone?” asked a mysterious pompous voice, “don't worry, I’ll be around in a minute. ”

Mariah suddenly shot forward and floated next to Tropy's fork like a magnet.

“Mariah!” yelled Mateo, he looked Tropy square in the eyes. “Give Mariah back!”

“Gee Mateo,” said Tropy “no need to get so ticked off, I just want to play a little game with you.”

“Enough with the time puns, and let Mariah go!” said Mateo.

“You love her, don't you?” said Tropy, “this is going to be all the more enjoyable when you pass away in this fight!”

Tropy clicked his fingers and a group of Minutes and Seconds entered the room.

“Minutes! Seconds!” Ordered Tropy “form… The Hour!!!”

The Minutes began stacking themselves onto each other's shoulders, while the Seconds began wrapping themselves around the Minutes bodies like armour.

Mateo looked up in horror as he saw what was in front of him: a giant Minute, The Hour.

THE ALMIGHTY HOUR

LEVEL 15

SPECIAL ATTACK:   TIME FLIES

The Hour charged at Mateo, ticking with rage.

“Squash him!” cried Tropy.

Tropy's excitement turned to disappointment when Mateo tripped up the Hour, causing it to fall apart.

“Are you serious?” Tropy asked. “Well in that case, I'm going to beat the living daylight savings out of you!”

Tropy twirled his fork causing the background to turn into a blue void with thousands of clocks surrounding our heroes and Tropy.

“Now you're on my time, you little skunks!” gloated Tropy “And it appears yours has run out.”

Tropy stabbed his Tuning fork into the ground, electricity flowing through him.

“Time to tick your last tock!” cried Tropy, firing electricity at Mateo.

Mateo jumped out of the path of the electricity, letting Kenny take the blow.

“Ow.” said Kenny.

“Come and face me Mateo!” said Tropy “Let's make every second  count!”

Mateo ran towards Tropy, but he felt slow, like he was running through tar.

“Come on now,” said Tropy, “we are on a tight schedule. ”

“That's cheating!” cried Mateo in slow motion “you're slowing down time so I can't hit you!”

“No, but I can hit you!” said Tropy “Prepare to be history. ”

What Tropy didn't realise was that Gregor was right behind him, preparing to do a sneak attack.

“Eat this, clock boy!” cried Gregor.

Tropy got a kick to the back of the head, falling to the floor.

“The future isn't looking so bright for you, eh Tropy?” said Mateo.

“Hey! I'm the guy who makes time related puns!” screamed Tropy, “get your own!”

The rest of Mateo's team started kicking Tropy while he was still down. Tropy's HP was decreasing with each kick.

“Stop it!” yelled Tropy “You're ruining my moment! ”

Mateo gave Tropy one last kick, hitting the clock on the machine.

“No!” yelled Trophy "What have you done?”

The clock hand began rapidly moving clockwise, like the hand was a miniature wheel, as Tropy began to age rapidly.

“This is exactly what I've feared!” cried Tropy “the one who is invincible becomes…vincible… my time is up… ”

All that was left of King N.Tropy was a pile of dust.

“We just killed a Time Lord! We just killed a Time Lord!” sung Mateo.

“Only one more king to go!”

“Yeah…about that,” said Anatoly. “I’ve just realised that In order to defeat the final king, we have to unlock him.”

“What?” said Mateo monotonously.

“I seem to somehow know that we have to collect the three calamity gems,” said Anatoly. “Heart, Strength and Wit. All of them are being guarded by three evil demons. We have to beat them all to get the gems to unlock the final king. I don’t know why I didn’t mention this before, I’m sure the knowledge wasn’t just patched into my memory somehow.”

“Ok,” said Mateo “come on gang, let's go collect rip-off Chaos Emeralds!”

Chapter 17

Deep in the bushes, a dapper looking man was lying in wait for a team he and his group could kill and rob today.

“Is this the team we’ll kill today?” pondered the scout, as a group of adventurers travelled by. Something caught his eye. On the back of that Macawnivore was…no. No it couldn't be. He was dead! He and his team left him to rot, how was he…?

“Monaca!” hissed the man. “We have a problem!”

A young woman in porcelain doll-like clothing drifted over to him in her blocky yellow levitating chair.

“What is it, Thomas?” asked Monaca.

“It's Brook,” said the man named Thomas, “He’s alive. ”

“You're pulling my incapacitated leg aren't you, Thomas?” demanded Monaca. “He can't be alive. We abandoned him. He died in Krailgar’s arms.”

“Well he is!” said Thomas “Remember that Brook’s special attack was reanimation? What if he used that…on himself?”

“Well, it's possible.” Monaca said. “but if that's the case then we have a real problem on our hands.”

Monaca clicked her fingers and an athletic man, a masked boy and a kawaii girl walked up to her.

“Ah, Troy, Carlton, Britney.” said Monaca. “We have an emergency, Thomas has spotted our old leader. He and his new team must be stopped.”

“Wait! Brook?” asked the jock, “he died!”

“Apparently that's not the case, Troy.” said Monaca. “He’s alive. We need to kill him…again.”

“Sure thing, Miss Towa,” said Britney, “we will tear that bag of bones to pieces!”

“I like your enthusiasm, Britney.” Monaca said. “We also need to protect this .”

Monaca pulled out a red-pink gem from her floating chair.

“Ooh…pretty.” said Carlton. “What is it?”

“This, my friend, is the gem of strength.” Monaca said. “We need to make sure no-one else gets their hands on it.”

“We will make sure of that Monaca.”

said Thomas.

“Good.” Monaca said. “Now, let's go kill a skeleton.”

Chapter 18

Mateo and his crew were heading for either the nearest tavern or the location of the first Calamity gem.

Mateo noticed Kenny was behaving oddly, he was muttering to himself and staring into space.

“Hey, dude.” said Mateo, “you okay?”

“Remember the time you let me get electrocuted?” asked Kenny “I think you've set him  off.” He sounded truly terrified.

Kenny jumped off Snuggles and began walking away.

“Let me deal with this,” said Kenny, “don't follow me.”

Kenny walked into the forest away from his team.

“I hope he's okay.” said Mateo.

“I think it's best if you take his advice and leave him alone,” said Gregor. “You might not like what you see.”

“Dude, he's a member of our party!” said Mateo “we can't leave without him! I'm coming, Kenny!”

Mateo ran after his friend, but he was nowhere to be found.

“Kenny?” called Mateo “Kenny? Where are you? Kenny!”

Mateo heard a stab and the sound of someone eating meat aggressively.

“Kenny?” whispered Mateo.

Kenny was on all fours, eating the dead carcass of a punch monkey.

“What the hell are you doing Kenny?!” cried Mateo.

Kenny rose up slowly, turning to Mateo with a predatory stare.

His hair was standing out from his head. His green eyes had turned red, mouth was wide open revealing sharp teeth, and an abnormally large tongue.

“Who's Kenny?” demanded Kenny, his voice was wilder, more deranged than usual, sounding more like Batman’s Joker. “I…am…GENOCIDE JACK!!!!!!!! KYEEHAHA!!!!!”

Kenny, or Genocide Jack as he was now know, lunged at Mateo with his bloodied knife.

Mateo ran for his life.

“You can't run from me!!!!!!!” screeched Genocide Jack “I can smell your fear!!!!!! Kyeehaha!!!!”

Genocide Jack rushed at inhuman speed towards Mateo, spinning his knife in his hand.

“Kenny, snap out of this!” cried Mateo “I’m your friend!”

“Who has friends?” said Genocide Jack “I only have VICTIMS!!!!!!”

Jack leapt onto Mateo's chest raising his knife before Mateo's eyes.

Mateo punched his feral friend in the face, throwing him in a spikey bush.

Genocide Jack rose from the bush with a predatory scream and dived at Mateo a wild look in his large dilated eyes.

Mateo searched wildly around the forest for some form of defence. At his feet he spotted…ah yes, a feather. This could bring Kenny back. Kenny loved feathers.

Mateo picked up the feather and thrust it at Genocide Jack.

“Feather?” noticed Genocide Jack, “feather…” his voice was growing calmer. “Ah…feather…”

Genocide Jack began to slouch over, turning back to Kenneth Chase.

“Thank you…” said Kenny.

“You're welcome, pal.” said Mateo. “What happened to you?”

“On a mission,” said Kenny, “I was bitten a Carnager, some people call them Genocide Bugs. Its serum forced me to do terrible things I don't remember doing - but always…witness.”

“Whoa, sounds awful.” said Mateo.

“I've been trying to get rid of Jack for a while.” said Kenny “I need to find some way to get the Carnager blood out of my body, or I need to split myself in two, or…I need you to do it, I trust you.”

“Well, what do I need to do?” asked Mateo.

Kenny sighed and gave his knife to Mateo, “You have to kill me, Mateo. You have to kill me.”

“No,” said Mateo, shocked, “you- your my friend! I can't-”

“There's no other way!” yelled Kenny “take the knife and kill me, if I die, he dies too!”

As Kenny thrust the knife into Mateo’s hands, a red force field surrounded them both.

“Don't leave me out of the fun, you two.” said a sinister female voice.

A blonde girl, dressed like a Victorian doll with a red bow in her hair, flew towards them. She was riding in a blocky, levitating, yellow chair.

“You are on our turf,” said the girl. “And everything is our turf.”

Above the girl's head were the words:

MONACA TOWA

LEVEL 9: ARTIFICER

SPECIAL ATTACK: DRONE FRENZY

“Hey!” exclaimed Mateo “What's going on? Let us out!”

“You belong to The Five, now,” said Monaca. “Take them away boys!”

Four figures jumped from the trees. One man wore a tweed jacket and had brown hair with cowlicks in the shape of cats ears, another looked like the very definition of a high school jock. The third guy wore a stitched leather mask with a breathing tube on the bottom. The fourth was a cute anime schoolgirl.

“Hey cutie!” said the kawaii girl, “Come with us sweetie pie!”

“I love someone else.” said Mateo, rapidly.

The girl put her arms around Mateo's neck.

“You know you can't resist me,” breathed the girl, “no man can.”

“Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?” said Mateo.

“Eh?” asked the girl.

“Come on! You haven't watched The Graduate ?” retorted Mateo, as he began to blab on and on, explaining why it was so good and iconic.

“Seriously! Dustin Hoffman was sooo good as Benjamin Braddock! It's a shame he's stopped acting, he's an icon! ”

“Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!” cried The Girl.

“Capture him, kill him, do something! Just make him stop!”

“I'll deal with this, Brittney.” said the dandy.

Mateo felt a blow to the head, and briefly registered the man holding a baseball bat before he fell to the ground, unconscious.

“Grab them.” said Monaca “I've got something planned for these two.”

Chapter 19

Mariah was stressed. Ever since Mateo left to check on Kenny, neither had returned! She was worried about them both, but especially Mateo. She didn't know what was so special about him, but whenever she was around him her heart seemed to go funny. Even just thinking about him made her heart flutter. Did she need medical attention or was this something else?

“I say, dear chaps!” said Brook “you all look deadly serious, is something the matter?”

“Tak.” replied Gregor, “Mateo and Kenneth have gone missing. We need to find them.”

“I think I may know where they are.” Said Anatoly “they are currently on a Ramu-drawn carriage piloted by The Forbidden Five.”

Brook’s smile vanished. “Oh, it's them  is it?”

Brook stood up, placed his foot on Snuggles head, and pointed like a sea captain.

“Full steam ahead, Snuggly!”

Snuggles rushed forward, ignoring the British skeleton on his head.

Suddenly a massive gust of air blew Snuggles off course scattering the team to the floor.

“What the dickens?” cried Brook.

A giant of a man rose up, dressed in black chest armour with red highlights, red boots, bracelets, black fingerless gloves and a kilt. He had a bushy neck beard, bulging eyes and was completely bald.

“Weeel, weeel, weeeeel.” said the man, “Look at what we got here. A couple of wee lads and lasses playin’ dress up and trying ta be heroes! Weeel then, let O’Chunks take ya doown ta siiiize!”

“Look,” said Gregor “we just want to find our friends. Let us pass.”

“Ooh! said O’Chunks "Trying ta be feistah are ye? Ye think you can take me on? Hah! Yer aff yer heid!”

“If you don't move, I will make you.” Said Gregor.

“Weeel then,” said O’Chunks “Brang it ye wee Rushan jessie!”

“I am Ukrainian!” yelled Gregor, charging at the Scotsman.

O’Chunks cocked his giant fist and struck Gregor, sending him flying, dislodging his boar's head mask - revealing a battle-scarred face, a bushy beard and a small buzzcut.

“Mess with me, you get beaten up.” hissed Gregor “Mess with the boar, YOU DIE!”

The two muscular men rushed at each other, wrestling and grappling away.

“This is like watching two deers fight for a mate.” said Anatoly.

“Want to get the popcorn, old boy?” suggested Brook.

“Maybe we should help him,” said Mariah “our extra strength will make it more likely for Chunky to lose.”

Gregor was trying his best to push the mad Scotsman away the message appeared near his eyes, it said:

PRESS “A” BUTTON REPEATEDLY!

“I might need some assistance!” called Gregor.

“What's wrong, laddy?” said O’Chunks “feelin’ weak? Gud! Git ready ta feel da mite of ma fist!”

As O’Chunks finished his sentence a red line suddenly ran from his head to his boots.

“Oh.” said the Scotsman “Ah don't feel so gud.”

O’Chunks’ fell into two lifeless halves, split down the centre.

“What the devil?!” cried Brook.

A figure stepped out from behind the sliced Scotsman.

“Sup, fellas!” cawed Mateo.

“Mateo!” cried Mariah, hugging him.

“I can tell you missed me.” smiled Mateo. “Well, I missed you too!”

“Where's Kenny?” asked Karin.

“It’s that damn evil clone of mine again!” sighed Mateo “It’s captured him. I saw which way they went, so I came back to fetch you!”

“Well then, let's save Kenny and stop that clone!” declared Brook.

Gregor retrieved his mask as the crew followed their leader in the direction of the west of the forest.

For a split second, Mateo's eyes flickered to black.

“Works every time…” murmured Madteo, under his breath “I'm coming for you… Mateo.  NEE-HEE HEE!”

Chapter 20

In the back of the wagon, Kenny was trying to find some way of escaping.  Mateo on the other hand was listening to music.

“Can you please help me out here?” asked Kenny, desperately.

“Sorry dude,” said Mateo. ”In order to make a plan to escape, I have to get in the mood by listening to K-pop!”

“Why K-pop?” asked Kenny.

“Man,” said Mateo “K-pop is life. If you're about to die, play K-pop. Seriously, it worked for me!”

Words appeared in front of Mateo's eyes.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED:

CHEKHOV'S GUN:

FORESHADOWED A PLOT POINT

“Wonder what that was all about.” wondered Mateo.

“Beats me,” said Kenny. “now, how do we get out of here?”

A whimpering sound came from the darkness in the corner of the wagon.

“Hey, we should check that out.” said Mateo.

Kenny and Mateo moved to the corner and found an odd looking creature.

The creature had the head of a crocodile and the body of a dog, complete with the ears on top of its head. It had dark blue fur with black dots. His head was a grayish yellow, with derpy eyes.

Above its head were the words:

CROCOPUP

LEVEL 3

SPECIAL ATTACK:

DEVOUR

“Aww…” said Mateo in a tone of someone talking to a puppy, “who's this cute boy? You are!”

“Um…” said Kenny. “I don't think-”

“Hang on,” said Mateo, “maybe it can help us!”

The man named Thomas looked into the holding cell.

“Quiet prisoners!” snapped Thomas “or I will put you both to sleep!”

The Crocopup growled at Thomas, protecting its new friends.

“Stupid dog.” said Thomas “we’re gonna kill you, you know that?”

The Crocopup lunged through the bars, unhinged its jaw like a snake, and swallowed Thomas.

Mateo and Kenny stood in stunned silence.

“Whoosa good boy!?” said Mateo, breaking the silence.

The Crocopup shook its tail happily and burped out Thomas's skull.

“I'm going to call you Douglas,” said Mateo “let's get outta here!”

Douglas… Douglas. The Crocopup liked that name. No one had given it a name before. Douglas. Yes, he felt like a Douglas.

Mateo walked over to a barred window, hooked his straps through it and pulled.

Monaca heard a smash and the sound of running feet.

“Runaway prisoners!” yelled Monaca “Troy, Carlton, Britney, Thomas. After them!”

“Um…Thomas is dead.” said Britney.

“Useless.” Monaca said. “Well, don't just stand there. Get them back!"

Kenny, Mateo and Douglas ran into the forest, with their former captors in hot pursuit.

“Come on dude!” called Mateo “Back to the team!”

“I'm getting a stitch!” complained Kenny.

“Never mind that!” said Mateo “we can't slow down!”

“I've got you now!” cried Britney from close behind them.

To their surprise, the Forbidden Four were suddenly enveloped in a purple force field.

“What?” exclaimed Carlton “No!”

“How do you like that?!” crowed Mateo.

Mateo turned to Kenny, “where did that force field come from?”

A figure emerged from the trees.

“Hey slick!” called a familiar voice “Remember me?”

“You…” said Mateo “if anyone was to ruin my day it would be you.”

“Correct-a-mundo!” replied Madteo “It's me! Your friendly neighbourhood evil doppelganger!”

“You won't win,” said Mateo “my team will stop you.”

Madteo smiled at his clone smugly.

“About that..” said Madteo, turning and yelling behind him, “Come on fellas! I've caught up with the clone I was telling you about!”

“Oh come on!” cried Mateo “now you've manipulated my team! You're sick! Why are you like this?”

“I am  a supreme leader of evil,” said Madteo. “So it's obvious my personality would be twisted. The more you suffer, the more I enjoy it! It's what I'm born to do. There are people on earth who spread grief and misery for literally no reason other than for the thrill of it! Well, I'm one of those people. Nothing pleases me more than inflicting pain on others! Says so in my programming.”

“You're not just a regular sadist.” said Mateo “You’re designed to be a sadist.”

“Ding! Ding! Ding!” said Madteo. “Now, where were we?”

Mateo's entire team appeared behind his copy.

“Kenny,” said Gregor “let us help you defeat the clone!”

“The hell are you on about?” exclaimed Kenny “that’s not the clone, that's Mateo!”

“He's lying!” said Madteo “for all you know Madteo could be manipulating him!”

“Could Mateo do this?” asked Kenny, he picked up a stone and threw it at Madteo.

“Gah!” screamed Madteo, a glitch in his voice, and the forest began to change.

The forest's colours began to shift from brown to green and vice versa.

“Wait a minute.” said Gregor “you couldn't do that before. You're not Mateo.”

“Guess the cat’s out of the bag!” said Madteo, shifting to his normal colour palette. “You're right, I'm not Mateo. I'm the game's personal tumor.  I can alter this broken world to how I see fit. I can even make the game crash. Killing each and every one of you. ”

“I've had enough of this!” yelled Mateo “face me! Right here! Right now! I will defeat you Madteo!”

“Look who's gained confidence.” remarked Madteo, “well, Mateo Hargreaves…TODAY YOU DIE-DIE-DIE-DIE!!!”

Madteo rose into the air, his limbs and head detaching from his torso.

“NEE HEE HEE-HEE HEE- HEE HEE-HEE- HEE HEE- HEE HEE HEE- HEE HEE HEE- AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ”

“So, it all comes down to this.” muttered Mateo.

Chapter 21

Madteo raised his palm, sending a tree flying towards Mateo.

“Eat this!” cried Madteo.

Mateo dodged out of the way, causing the tree to hit the ground turning it into purple and black pixels.

“Is that the best you've got?” taunted Mateo.

The ground began to rise making everything warp and glitch. Mateo realised his clone had some skills.

Madteo strapped Mateo's neck and pulled him towards his eyes.

“Face it Slick.” hissed Madteo “I’m going to take everything from you. Because you see, I want to learn from you, be just like you, and BECOME you."

“Fat chance!” said Mateo “You aren't me, you're a program. A malevolent malware sent to kill me, the thread wrapped around The Man’s finger, you do exactly what he says, like an obedient little dog. Me? I don't need orders. I AM the leader. You're a mere follower.”

Madteo's smirk vanished.

“Stop that.” said Madteo. “You're just saying that to try and make yourself feel good about this situation.”

“Honestly,” said Mateo “I pity you! You drag yourself around, command after command without even the chance of a break! That must have been hard.”

“Enough!” yelled Madteo, his voice coming out more glitched than usual.

He threw Mateo into a glitching bush. Mateo's colour palette shifted on impact. It went so quickly if you blinked you would miss it.

“Mateo!” cried Mariah “you okay?”

“Kind of,” groaned Mateo, “but you can make it better if you put your mouth riiiight here.”

Mateo pointed at his lips. His eyebrows raised flirtatiously.

“Well I…” said Mariah “oh, what the heck?!”

Mariah kissed Mateo on the lips, time seemed to freeze around them.

“Are they seriously making out in a battle?!” said Gregor.

“Aww…!” said Madteo “Mateo and Mariah sitting in a tree  bush! K.I.S.S.I.N.G!”

“Stop it…” growled Mateo.

“First came love, then came marriage, then comes a ba-”

Mariah fired an arrow into Madteo’s chest.

“Gah!” screamed Madteo, his colours shifting rapidly.

Madteo couldn't understand, he’d always had control of his colours.  But this time, he couldn't stop them. It was painful.

“What's happening to me?!!” hollered Madteo, “Make this stop!”

Madteo closed his eyes, straining and concentrating hard. The uncontrolled colour shifting gradually stopped, but his appearance changed. Madteo became a tall mass of scrolling code with few remaining hints to what he used to be.

“W-h-a-t h-a-v-e y-o-u d-o-n-e t-o m-e?” demanded Madteo, pointing at Mariah. “Y-o-u’-v-e t-u-r-n-e-d m-e i-n-t-o a-m-o-n-s-t-e-r!

“You were already a monster!” said Mariah, “Mateo! Finish him!”

“Sure thing…” Mateo slurred, still overwhelmed by the kiss . He drew his sword and pointed it at Madteo.

“N-e-e h-e-e h-e-e!” chuckled Madteo “y-o-u c-a-n’-t d-o i-t, S-l-i-c-k. Y-o-u d-o-n’-t h-a-v-e t-h-e g-u-t-s…”

“Oh, I do.” answered Mateo, raising his sword above his head “Later hater!”

“O-h, M-a-t-e-o,” said Madteo “d-o-n'-t y-o-u r-e-a-l-i-s-e? T-h-e m-a-n u-p-s-t-a-i-r-s i-s a-l-m-o-s-t h-e-r-e!”

Mateo stabbed his clone in the head, instead of Madteo dying like most enemies he simply blinked out of existence, like someone pressed the delete button on his life.

“You did it.” said Kenny “you killed yourself. Well not yourself, but your digital twin!”

Mateo looked down and saw a green jewel where Madteo used to be.

“Hey guys,” said Mateo “he was protecting this!”

He held up the gem in his hand.

A message appeared in front of Mateo's eyes.

YOU COLLECTED THE CALAMITY GEM OF WIT!

“Two to go and we'll be out of this dump.” said Gregor.

“Yeah,” said Kenny “come on let's go-”

A large black bird with ram's horns butted through the forcefield, the Forbidden Four riding its back.

“Give us back our prisoners!” cried Troy.

“And we’ll take that gem too!” said Carlton.

The gang jumped aboard Snuggles, Douglas following behind.

“Move!” cried Mariah.

Snuggles started sprinting, Brook was holding on for dear reanimated life.

“Chocks away!” yelled Brook, “We've got company, and they're not here for tea!”

The Ramu, a flightless horned bird, was running along ramming into the side of the Macawnivore.

Douglas leaped out of Mateo's hands and latched onto Carlton’s face.

Carlton let out a muffled scream of agony, as he tried to prise the Crocopup from his face.

Douglas slurped Carlton’s entire body into his mouth like he was a piece of spaghetti. Douglas swallowed.

“Good boy Douglas!” said Mateo.

“I'm still concerned about keeping a Crocopup as a pet.” said Kenny.

“He's a good boy!” retorted Mateo “He’s only eaten two people!”

Douglas jumped back into his master's arms to avoid a sword strike from Troy.

“Now you're de-!” started Troy.

He was cut off when something which looked like a boulder hit the Ramu. Both Troy and Britney floated to the floor like lifeless paper dolls.

The boulder stopped in front of Mateo's crew.

The boulder wasn't a boulder at all. It was a large white sphere. It wore purple sunglasses, and its face was tiny compared to its body or was that it's head? Mateo couldn't tell.

The sphere turned its face towards Mateo. It shrank as it rolled towards him, it's size went from towering over Mateo’s team to being half the size of Mateo himself.

“Hey, mate.” said the sphere in an Australian accent.

“Jason, is that you?” asked Mateo.

The sphere raised an eyebrow.

“Do I look like I have a blood leech, a nebula cloak and a shadowy butler, mate?” asked the sphere.

“No.” replied Mateo.

“Then it's pretty obvious I'm not Jason Asano, mate.” said the sphere.

It rolled up to him. “Name’s Orbo.”

“Nice to meet you, Orbo.” said Mateo “We are trying to get out of here. Have you seen the other two calamity gems?”

“I believe that girl in the floating chair has one,” said Orbo “but the other is very far away. I can take you there if you like.”

“Hm. Yeah sure.” said Gregor.

“Ok mate,” said Orbo “follow me.”

Orbo grew back to his gargantuan size and plowed through the trees.

“Come on guys!” called Mateo “follow that orb!”

Chapter 22

A notification appeared on Rader’s computer.

M4DT30.EXE HAS BEEN DISABLED.

“Damn it!” screamed Rader. “He had one job! One job! And he blew it!”

“Is something the matter, sir?” said Quentin, a forced smile on his face.

“Yes, something’s the matter!” roared Rader “That chūni has defeated MY chūni!”

“Well what do we do?” asked Quentin.

“I need to face Mateo myself.” snarled Rader. “I have grown tired of waiting.”

Rader entered a wardrobe in his office and grabbed a hammer.

A garment, which resembled a futuristic wetsuit with purple lights woven through it, was displayed in a large glass case.

Rader smashed the glass and grabbed the suit.

“What is that?” asked Quentin.

“I call this the PPP - “Paradise Protection Protocol.” said Rader. “This allows me to be in the game but still have my memories intact. It also delivers some superb power-ups.”

“So it's basically the simulation’s deluxe edition.” said Quentin.

“Pretty much.” agreed Rader. “Now, open the deluxe immersion tank!”

Quentin walked over to a tank which looked like it had belonged to the Power Rangers, and opened it.

Rader stripped off his clothes and put on the P.P.P.

“Hit the switch, send me in.” said Rader. “It's time I met Mateo…in the simulation.”

“Sir, this isn't right!” cried Quentin “throughout the majority of these chapters you have been farming Mateo! If you face him you will suffer the same fate as his previous enemies!”

“You’d underestimate me? You think I’d lose to him? I created Mateo in that world.” said Rader “And now I want him dead. Also what did you say about chapters?”

“I don't know what you're on about sir.” said Quentin, not meeting Rader’s eyes.

“Anyway, Mateo has grown far too strong!” said Rader “if he continues at this rate he will break the system! He will free everyone and destroy my world!”

“That does sound bad.” said Quentin.

“Of course it is bad!” said Quentin “now what are you waiting for, activate the machine! Let's put an end to this!”

“Yes sir.” sighed Quentin, as he pulled a lever attached to the wall.

“Paradise Protection Protocol activated.” said a female robotic voice.

Purple sparks ran through Rader’s veins, his eyes turning completely white.

“I feel it!” screamed Rader like a power hungry lunatic. “I feel the power running through me!”

The lights on the PPP suit briefly shone so brightly it was like a small second sun had appeared.

“UN-LI-MI-TED…POWEEERRRR…!!!” bellowed Rader at the top of his lungs like he was Star Wars’ Palpatine.

Everything went black, the only source of light came from Rader's glowing suit.

“Yes…” mused Rader to himself. To his ears, he sounded more mechanical, like he was speaking into a bucket. “Quentin, I feel stronger. I feel huge. I am huge in this world. I have the power to consume the sun if I wanted.”

“Meaning?” squeaked a frazzled Quentin.

“In other words… I'm in. ” said Rader.

Chapter 23

The crew had arrived at a crystal temple. It had bricks like a normal building but it had giant gemstones sticking out of it like spikes.

“This should be the place.” Orbo said. “Come on, mates head on in! I'll wait for you outside.”

“Wait, why don't you change size, and come with us?” asked Mateo.

“This place has a strict “No Orbo” policy, sport.” explained Orbo “if I go in there the guy that owns this place will slice me up like salami. So good luck! Try not to be turned into salami!”

Mateo didn't like the sound of that, but he went in anyway.

Mateo and his group walked down a long corridor covered with strange runes.

“This is scary.” said Mariah “And I don't want to be turned into salami!”

“Don't worry,” said Mateo “I won't allow that guy to land a finger on you. If I see him I'll give him the old one-two!”

“ Amari jishin kajo ni naranaide .” hissed a voice behind Mateo.

“Err, what?” asked Mateo.

Emerging from the shadows, an Asian man appeared. With his spikey black hair, black glasses, thin beard and black clothing he looked like a ninja. Besides him was a small goblin wearing a suit and tie.

Above the man’s head were the words:

HANZOU CHAU

LEVEL 20

SPECIAL ATTACK: DRAGON’S RAGE

“He says: “Don't get too cocky.” said the goblin.

“ Watashi no kuramitijemu ga hoshi ndeshou?” d emanded Hanzou “ boken-shatte min’na onajida wa.”

“He says: “You want my Calamity gem, don't you? You adventurers are all the same.” translated the goblin.

“Look man,” said Mateo “We can make this quick, just give us your gem and we can return back to Orbo and-”

Suddenly Hanzou’s face turned red.

“ Orubo?! Orubo?! Kare wa watashinojinsei o jigoku ni shita dakenanoni, anta wa kare to tomdachina no?!” screamed Hanzou.

“He says: Orbo?! Orbo?! He has done nothing but make my life hell, and you're friends with him?” said the goblin.

Hanzou screamed something in Japanese, hopping up and down on the floor.

“Sorry mate, not even I can translate this,” said Goblin. “But it’s basically ‘angry noises’.”

Hanzou produced a katana from the folds of his black robes.

“ Shine! Kono konton to shita yami no otoshi-ko-me!” cried Hanzou.

“He says: “Die! You checkered dark spawn!” clarified the Goblin.

Hanzou lunged at Mateo, his blade slicing off a strand of Mateo's hair.

“Hey!” cried Mateo.

“ Yowai.”  said Hanzou, before kicking Mateo into a wall.

“He says: just “Weak.”

“Ow…” Mateo groaned.

“ Omae no kubi o kitten yaru yo, chūnibyo no.” hissed Hanzou, as he raised his blade.

“He says: “I will chop off your head, you sufferer of middle-school syndrome.”

Mateo gripped the gem of wit and shut his eyes.

Just as Hanzou was about to stab Mateo, his sword flew from his hands.

“ Nani?!” cried Hanzou “ Arienai!”

“He says: “What?! Impossible!” rephrased the Goblin.

Mateo took out his own sword.

“Eat this, ninja boy!”

Mateo struck Hanzou with his sword repeatedly.

“ Dame yo!” cried Hanzou “ Goman’na otokonoko ni hazukashime rareru wake ni wa ikanai wa!”

“He says: “No! I will not be humiliated by an arrogant boy!”

One final strike sent Hanzou to the floor.

Hanzou lurched towards his sword, a look of defeat and shame in his eyes.

“ Watashi wa senzo ni okina fumeiyo o mortrashimashita.”

“He says: “I have brought great dishonour onto my ancestors.” deciphered the Goblin.

Hanzou picked up his sword and…stabbed himself.

“Oh.” said Mariah “He just committed Harakiri.”

“Does that mean I get the rest of the day off?” asked the Goblin.

“Sure,” said Mateo. “Get out of here.”

“Yippee!” said the Goblin “Finally! I've been translating this fool for 90 years! I need to retire!”

He ran off giggling like a schoolgirl.

“That was weird,” said Kenny, “and that's coming from me!”

Mateo noticed a blue gem poking out of Hanzou's robes.

“Well, I'm gonna fetch it.” said Mateo, bending down to pick it up.

“Hang on l got it!” said Mariah, doing the same thing.

Mateo and Mariah’s hands grabbed the gem at the same time.

“Oh,” said Mariah “um…who wants to let go first?”

“Nah,” said Mateo “I like this…”

“Don't just stand there!” yelled Brook “Kiss her!”

“Do you mind?” demanded Mateo “I'm trying to have a Romantic Moment here!”

“Maybe he's right,” said Mariah “maybe we should…you know.”

“I know.” said Mateo.

Their lips crashed into each other, Mateo embracing her as they snogged.

“Yeeeah boiiiii!” screamed Anatoly.

“She looks like she's eating his face.” muttered Karin, shaking her head.

“Karin,” said Kenny, “can you stop being a kar EN ?”

Karin glared at Kenny.

Mateo and Mariah separated, Mateo could hear his heart pounding. He put his hands together, breathed in and went… “ WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! YEAH BABY!!! TWICE IN ONE DAY!!!! SCORE! SCORE! SCORE!” He then passed out.

“Mateo?” said Kenny “You good? Bro?”

Gregor slung Mateo over his shoulder like a piece of meat.

“Let's get that gem and get out of here.”

“Already got it!” said Mariah. Holding up the blue gem above her head.

“Only one more to go!” said Hämsterviel.

“Well done,” said a familiar female voice. “The calamity gem of heart. You must be proud of yourself.”

It was Monaca Towa. Thousands of flying metal eyes surrounded her, she was holding a red gem in her hands.

“You! I'll make you pay for abandoning me!” roared Brook. He grabbed the shaft of the cane and pulled, revealing that the cane’s shaft was a sheath. His cane wasn't a walking stick, it was a sword.

“Move on, bone brain.” said Monaca.

“Bone brain?!” exclaimed Brook, before Monaca launched a metal eye at his stomach.

Brook fell apart.

“Blast.” said Brook “Can someone put me together, please?”

Monaca stood up in her chair and pointed her finger at Mateo's team.

The flying orbs dived towards the crew, striking them with their steel bodies.

Mateo opened one eye and saw Monaca standing up in her chair. She’d said she was incapacitated. Yet she was standing up, not even wobbling - she was fine.

“You liar!” yelled Mateo “you're faking it! Why?”

“Well, I needed to recruit members somehow,” said Monaca, a sinister smirk on her face, “and if it involves squeezing sympathy out of people, so be it. I mean, who would want to hurt a girl in a wheelchair?”

“Correction,” said Mateo, “a girl in a wheelchair who's faking her disability! ”

“You’re boring.” sighed Monaca, thrusting her finger at Mateo.

The drones immediately headed straight for him. He jumped to his feet, and started running in a wide circle towards Monaca, kiting the drones behind him.

“Stop that!” yelled Monaca “ What are you doing?!”

Mateo ducked behind her mobile throne as the swarm closed in on him.

The swarm struck Monaca as they tried to reach Mateo. Monaca tipped out of her chair and slammed to the floor, the broken drones raining down around her.

“You can't win…” hissed Monaca “I will lead my team to victory!”

“What team?” retorted Mateo “If you remember all of them are dead!”

“I will not lose to someone as inferior as you!” said Monaca, grabbing Mateo's leg.

“Guess what Mon-Mon?” said Mateo “you already have. Prepare to meet your team. ”

Mateo unsheathed his sword and stabbed Monaca straight through the head.

“She got exactly what she deserved.” Mateo muttered.

“We got them all,” exclaimed Anatoly “we got them all!”

“We’ll be out of here in no time!” said Mateo.

“I'll be the judge of that.” said a deep British voice.

A giant hand reached through the temple’s window, grabbing Mateo.

His abductor was a gargantuan metal monster in shades of purple and violet. Orange flowing energy ran through its tail, chest plate and limbs. Its crescent moon shaped head had no features, just two glowing red eyes.

Above the robot's head were the words:

KING JAMES DEAN RADEN:

LEVEL 100

SPECIAL ATTACK: THE LIGHT THAT BURNS THE SKY

“Look at you,” said Raden, “look at how small you are. You honestly think you can beat me? You may have beaten my minions and the other kings, but compared to me, they all are in easy mode.”

“What do you want with me?” strained Mateo, trying to get out of the giant’s grip.

“What do I want?” asked Raden “I want to keep this world turning, I want to keep everyone in the game. You, on the other hand, have been a bug. An insignificant bug. And all bugs need to be fixed. ”

“You're talking like a game developer!” cried Mateo.

“That's because I am one!” replied Raden.

“No…” Mateo whispered.

“James Dean Rader, at your service.” oozed Rader.

That name. Mateo remembered that name. Memories began rushing back to him.

His life, his parents, that ad, the headset, RADER.

“It's YOU!” shouted Mateo “you trapped me here! Locked me up in your little digital circus-world! You're the entire reason I'm here in the first place!”

“Glad we got to introduce ourselves, Mateo.” said Rader “Now, let's deal with you.”

Rader threw Mateo into a nearby creek.

Mateo landed so hard he felt his body go into the dirt. His body made loud pattering sounds as he tried to get out.

“Let me give you a bit of assistance,” said Rader as he lifted his foot high above his head and stamped on Mateo like a mere ant.

“Mateo!” cried Mariah.

Down, down, down went Mateo, he was in a dark void and it got darker, and darker yet.

Mateo felt as if he was in a pool full of water with a chain around his leg.

“When will it end?” thought Mateo “when will it end?”

It ended with a loud thump.

Chapter 24

Mateo woke up and looked around. He was on what appeared to be a wooden surface.

“Where am I?” wondered Mateo.

He walked to the end of the surface and saw a wooden leg.

He was on a table. A giant wooden table.

“What the?” gasped Mateo.

The table was scattered with pieces of paper with drawings on them.

One was a robed figure with bandages on his legs and knives for hands. Drawn alongside him was a derpy Spike from the Mario games, holding a kitten.

Other drawings included: An axolotl with the expression of an edgelord, holding a weapon which appeared to be a pen. A macabre jester flourishing a scythe at a nervous looking reindeer-girl.

However, one drawing immediately grabbed Mateo's attention - it was a man, dressed in white suit with straps, with black hair, and a familiar expression.

It was…it was…

“Me?” whispered Mateo.

Mateo walked across the table trying to understand what he’d just seen. He accidentally stumbled over something. It was a gigantic black placemat. Placed in its centre was an equally large computer tablet. Words were appearing on the screen as a giant hand tapped at it.

I noticed what was in front of my tablet and turned to face it.

“The hell?!” I exclaimed “How did you get out?”

“You're not going to fight me, are you?” asked Mateo.

“Relax dude,” I said, “I'm not going to fight you. I created you after all!”

“What?” asked Mateo.

“Name's Urban.” I said, “I am basically, um…god. In this universe.”

“What?” said Mateo.

“Seems as if you're in a bit of a pickle.” I said, “You're going to need to defeat ol’ Rady up there.”

“I'm a level 2.” Mateo exclaimed “how am I going to beat a level 100?”

“By receiving a little gift.” I said, reaching into my imagination and pulling out a small bag. “This is Deus ex machina. Only use this when it is really necessary. If you use it randomly then the fandom is going to hate us.”

“The fandom?” asked Mateo.

“It's a community that goes overboard on quite literally everything.” I said “They also make weird ‘ships [3]  with different characters. Even when it isn't even canon [4] .”

“Ok, I've got the bag.” said Mateo “now what do I do?”

“Climb onto my tablet.” I said “it will take you into your own world.”

“Are you sure it will work?” asked Mateo.

“Sure it will!” I said. “I'm the creator!”

Mateo walked onto my tablet, he began to sink like he was in quicksand.

“Don't worry dude!” I said “let the screen do it’s thing! It will get you back there quickly!”

Mateo screamed as he was dragged back.

“Good luck!” I said “ Not that you'll need it to kick Rader’s butt! I'll make sure of it for you.”

I looked back to my tablet.

“Heh,” I said, “I typed this whole conversation.”

Chapter 25

Mateo's crew was beaten up, they had tried to fight Rader without their leader and he’d opened a whole can of whoop-ass on their asses.

“Is that the best you can do?” taunted Rader “You're all as weak as your leader.”

“Mateo isn't weak!” breathed Mariah “he defeated your pawn!”

“Of course you would say that,” said Rader, “you want to have his babies.”

Rader raised his hand, Force-choking Mariah.

“You’ll die a worthless wretch who's only dependent on her love interest.”

A golden sword flew through the air, landing in the back of Rader's head.

“Who did that?” demanded Rader.

Mateo jumped out of the creek, posing like an acrobat who had just finished their trick.

“Look who came crawling back.” hissed Rader. “Didn't I tell you it's hopeless? Down here, I make the rules. Down here, I… am… GOD! ”

“You're a god of nothing!” replied Mateo. “I met the real creator of this world, and he's a sixteen year old boy!”

Mateo opened his bag, inhaled the contents and charged at Rader.

Rader placed his index finger on his thumb and flicked Mateo away like a pesky fly.

“Useless!” yelled Rader as Mateo hit a nearby tree.

Rader confidently strode over to Mateo, his eyes narrowing .

“You managed to suck more than our first encounter.” said Rader “That's an achievement. Prepare to die.”

A symbol appeared in Rader's palm, it was a yellow triangle with three circles on the points.

The circles lit up and the tattoos on Mateo's arm began to fade.

Mateo slumped to the floor.

“Noooo!” cried Mariah “you monster!”

Kenny needed to do something, he didn't want Mateo to die. Not now.  Suddenly Mateo's words echoed in his head. “ K-pop is life. When you are about to die, play K-pop! Seriously, it worked for me! ”

“Pass me Mateo's boombox! Quickly!” cried Kenny.

“What?!” asked Gregor.

“Just give it to me!” demanded Kenny.

“Okay, geez!” exclaimed Gregor.

“Let's just hope this works…” muttered Kenny, pressing the play button.

Kenny held the boombox above his head, K-pop music exploded from the speakers and into Mateo's ears at full blast.

The beat matched perfectly in time with Mateo’s heartbeat.

The three calamity gems circled Mateo, making his EXP raise rapidly.

“What are you doing?!” demanded Rader “It won't work! He's already dead!”

Mateo rose to his feet, his eyes were the same colour as the gems, blue, red and green.

Above his head were the words:

MATEO HARGREAVES

LEVEL        ♾️: GOD KILLER

SPECIAL ATTACK: INSTA KILL

“Oh hell!!!” bellowed Rader.

“Hello there, sweet life giving K-pop!” said Mateo.

“This isn't fair!” screamed Rader, punching at Mateo.

The punch reflected lightly off Mateo and back into Rader's own face.

Rader was still trying to land a hit on Mateo, but Mateo was moving so quickly it seemed he was teleporting.

“Good show old boy!” said Brook “Jolly good show!”

“Stand still and fight you coward!” roared Rader.

Mateo struck Rader with his now giant sword.

Rader took a deep breath and let loose a sharp electronic banshee’s scream and lunged straight at Mateo.

Mateo calmly took one step out of Rader's way.

“Warning! Warning! Paradise Protection Protocol overheating!” said a female robotic voice.

“Die!!!!” screamed Rader “Die! Die! Die! Die! Die already! Why won't you die?!!!”

“Sir! Please!” said a male voice “Get out of the suit or you’ll blow this place sky high!”

“In a minute!” answered Rader “I must kill a rat who doesn't know he's died!”

Rader persisted, trying to achieve two impossible dreams: trying to kill Mateo and feed his greed. But both were out of reach.

“Warning! Suit safety control failure,” warned the female robotic voice “Dangerous over voltage detected. Eject. Eject. Eject.”

“No…No-! Nonono-! NOOOO! No…you can't do this to me!” Rader howled, screaming at the heavens in desperation. “YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!”

A glitch wall like the last level of Pacman was sweeping its way towards Rader, corrupting anything in its path.

“I WILL SUCCEED!” Rader wailed, trying to push the corruption back, trying to shield himself from reality. “I CAN'T LOSE TO YOU!” hollered Rader at Mateo “NOT TO YOU! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! YOU CAAAN’T!”

No matter how hard he tried to block it, how he tried to deny it…his desperation wasn't enough.

The code shattered, his will shattered, he shattered.

His game was breaking. There was nothing he could do to stop it, his suit was about to blow up, but his arrogance blinded him to all but defeating Mateo. He was well and truly screwed.

The entire world bore witness to Rader's wrath, his despair, his misery, the totality of his being manifested into one final scream, cursing the name of the man who went into his game, tore it down from the inside and ruined his life.

The name that had started everything.

“ MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

With his pride completely conquered….

The game exploded.

Epilogue

Mateo woke up in the wreck of an office. He looked around and noticed a lot of dead people.

A skeleton in a smoking wetsuit crushed by debris, a man in a lab coat with thousands of glass shards in his back and a bunch of other dead scientists.

A man stepped from a wrecked booth, pulling off his deactivated headset, blinking like it was the first time.

“Is this what real life looks like?” asked the man, he spoke with a Ukrainian accent.

“Gregor, is that you?” asked Mateo.

“I don't know anymore.” said Gregor. “I think I am.”

“Guys, I think…We're free,” said Anatoly, a hint of relief in his voice. “We're finally free!”

“We are.” said a short man with a German accent with a hint of French.

“Rader's dead,” exclaimed Kenny. “no one to trap us anymore!”

“Skin!” cried a lanky man “ooh…I've missed you old boy!”

Kenny spotted a burnt picture on what was left of Rader's desk.

“Guys, check this out!” called Kenny.

The gang went over to see what Kenny was looking at.

The picture showed a much younger looking Rader, most likely in his twenties, behind him was a stern elderly man who looked like he stepped out of the Victorian era. Next to Rader were four figures, a broad man in a suit with an expression like he never felt anything in his life, another was clean shaven with straw like hair, the man next to him had slicked-back hair, stubble and an oily smile. Finally, a dark haired woman in a white blouse, a black coat and skirt.

Writing was below the picture, it read:

“Beaupre, Ribbons, Jernigan and Unger - Vice Presidents - attend the Company Picnic marking the 10th anniversary of Rader and Son Games”

“There's more of them.” whispered Izzie.

“Also it said “Rader and Son?!” exclaimed Mateo.

“We've killed Rader. Jr!” said Karin.

“Rader may be gone,” said Anatoly, “but the company still exists. We need to get rid of the rest.”

“But first,” said Mariah, “let's go home, We've earned it.”

“Of course,” said Kenny “our families will be waiting for us.”

“I say, old chaps!” exclaimed Brook, “it's been one spiffing adventure hasn't it?”

“Agreed, Brook,” said Mateo “agreed.”

The gang walked out of the ruined studio, away from the dead, away from their captors. They were free. For now.

THE END

[1]  Role-Playing Game: a game where players assume the roles of characters in a fictional setting, taking responsibility for their actions and decisions within a narrative.

[2]  Non-Playable Character: a character in a game that is not controlled by a player.

[3]  Gen Alpha for “relationships”. Nothing to do with boats.

[4]  The official, established material that is accepted as “actually having happened” within the fictional world.